I went to Cape May, NJ Sunday eve to Monday eve. with my mom and two sister. We went to see my Aunt Mary who is a cook at a church 'camp-type' ministry. It is an old hotel and dining room only two blocks from the beach. This ministry allows single moms and their children to spend a week at the beach for a very low cost.
I had a good time ... though there were some times of being frustrated at my ankle/limitations/pain.
We went out on the beach Sunday evening when we got there and I went for a walk, I had visions of walking for maybe 30 minutes or so. Well, after 10 minutes, my Achilles tendon started to talk back to me. so I readjusted my step/gait/stride, but it didn't really help, so I had to stop. I was disappointed, but yet had tried to prepare myself for that.
Then on Monday, the tendon was still too stressed to do much walking on the sand. I just sat and enjoyed the beach. And we spent 3 hours of the afternoon on a whale watching boat tour, (no whales, but a lot of dolphins) so there was not much walking on there.
Now today, the tendon is quiet and my ankle feels better again and even does feel stronger, so I think walking in the sand was helpful, but the tendon can just tolerate a little at a time.
I go to physical therapy this afternoon, my regular therapist has been on vacation for 2 weeks, so I am curious to see what he thinks of the progress when he sees it again today.
I think I made a step forward yesterday in another area, I wore a swimsuit on the beach for the first time since the accident ... I wrapped my left calf with an ace wrap and the rest of the scars are fading slightly, so I am not as self-conscious of them as I had previously been, plus I guess I am learning to just accept the way my legs look and live with it. It felt good to be in a bathing suit instead of long pants.
I am choosing to focus on what I have, not on what I lost. I thank God for the peace and comfort He gives through His spirit.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
kayak picture
Since the cast is off my ankle, this is where I spend time almost every day ... Hopewell Lake at French Creek State Park. We have two kayaks, so I enjoy the company of one of several friends most days. I love being out in nature, plus I like the exercise. Depending on the mood of the day, it take anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes to paddle around the perimeter of the lake. My regular companions on the lake ... a blue heron, geese and fishermen/women.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Celebrating Walking
This morning I walked down the hallway in my house to the kitchen. I live in a small ranch style house, so it is not a long hallway, probably not even 20 feet. As I walked I was celebrating the fact that I was walking without assistance (no cast, crutches or cane) and my ankle was moving freely without pain. Yes! I thank God for healing!
Physical therapy has been amped up considerably with 15 minute rides on the stationary bike and many more foot and leg exercises. I am enjoying most of it :) I was able to stop using the walking cast a few days ago, but I do still use the cane for all walking except in the house.
I went camping in our small travel trailer this past weekend with my husband and three boys, along with 12 other families from the area. This is an annual event at Poe Paddy State Park, near State College, Pa. Last year I only went because this is something we have done as a family for years and the boys love it. The weather matched my mood last year, with rainy nights and dreary days.
This year, even though I have limitations, I looked forward to going. I love being outdoors in nature. I enjoyed the shopping and getting ready process (though it was exhausting) The 3 days we were there it was gorgeous, not a drop of rain until we were pulling out of the campground. I had fun with the boys, with Jerry and with friends. One treat of camping is eating many roasted marshmallows, alone and in s'mores. I also had grilled shrimp and pork, fresh pineapple, cantaloupe, blueberries and mountain pies (a campfire tradition for us)
With the walking cast, I went on a short walk and a bike ride :) I did Sudoku puzzles, read a good book (Rumors of Another World, Philip Yancey) had late night conversations around the campfire, was mesmerized as I watch the needles of a friend's knitting hobby move rapidly in and out of the yarn, watched a raccoon scamper back and forth in the edges of the darkness from our tiki lights and listened to the river for hours. Penns Creek, misnamed because it is actually a fairly large river, runs right next to the campground and we had the site closes to it. The water was higher than normal for July due to recent rains, so the sound was vigorous.
As you can tell, it was a good weekend and I am thrilled with the progress of my ankle. Walking on the gravel of the campsite was great exercise for my ankle ... I used my walking cast in the evenings when my ankle was tired. Also, I am continuing to benefit more and more from the surgery to decompress the damaged nerve in my upper leg, as the pain is steadily decreasing. Yes! I am now midway in the 6 month recovery the doctor had assumed I would have. It will be wonderful if the pain continues to decrease in the next 3 months as it has so far ... that means I could be relatively painfree. I will be thrilled when that happens!
The next time you walk to the bathroom, the kitchen, the store or the neighbor, look at your feet and thank God that they can carry you where ever you wish to go.
Physical therapy has been amped up considerably with 15 minute rides on the stationary bike and many more foot and leg exercises. I am enjoying most of it :) I was able to stop using the walking cast a few days ago, but I do still use the cane for all walking except in the house.
I went camping in our small travel trailer this past weekend with my husband and three boys, along with 12 other families from the area. This is an annual event at Poe Paddy State Park, near State College, Pa. Last year I only went because this is something we have done as a family for years and the boys love it. The weather matched my mood last year, with rainy nights and dreary days.
This year, even though I have limitations, I looked forward to going. I love being outdoors in nature. I enjoyed the shopping and getting ready process (though it was exhausting) The 3 days we were there it was gorgeous, not a drop of rain until we were pulling out of the campground. I had fun with the boys, with Jerry and with friends. One treat of camping is eating many roasted marshmallows, alone and in s'mores. I also had grilled shrimp and pork, fresh pineapple, cantaloupe, blueberries and mountain pies (a campfire tradition for us)
With the walking cast, I went on a short walk and a bike ride :) I did Sudoku puzzles, read a good book (Rumors of Another World, Philip Yancey) had late night conversations around the campfire, was mesmerized as I watch the needles of a friend's knitting hobby move rapidly in and out of the yarn, watched a raccoon scamper back and forth in the edges of the darkness from our tiki lights and listened to the river for hours. Penns Creek, misnamed because it is actually a fairly large river, runs right next to the campground and we had the site closes to it. The water was higher than normal for July due to recent rains, so the sound was vigorous.
As you can tell, it was a good weekend and I am thrilled with the progress of my ankle. Walking on the gravel of the campsite was great exercise for my ankle ... I used my walking cast in the evenings when my ankle was tired. Also, I am continuing to benefit more and more from the surgery to decompress the damaged nerve in my upper leg, as the pain is steadily decreasing. Yes! I am now midway in the 6 month recovery the doctor had assumed I would have. It will be wonderful if the pain continues to decrease in the next 3 months as it has so far ... that means I could be relatively painfree. I will be thrilled when that happens!
The next time you walk to the bathroom, the kitchen, the store or the neighbor, look at your feet and thank God that they can carry you where ever you wish to go.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Check up
I had a check-up with my doctor on Friday ... it was a good report. I can now walk a hour or two a day without my cast. At first my ankle felt so 'wobbly' and weak, but now after a few days it is already feeling stronger. I walk very slowly and with a cane for support. The exercise at physical therapy have changed slightly, due to this advancement, but they still need to be done daily.
I am thrilled to walk without the cast, but when my ankle tires and I put the walking cast back on ... it feels so comfortable and secure. Though it is heavy and confining, it is security.
I am thrilled to walk without the cast, but when my ankle tires and I put the walking cast back on ... it feels so comfortable and secure. Though it is heavy and confining, it is security.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Be Still
Thankfully physical therapy has a few new aspects to it this past week. I still need to do the same tedious movements with my ankle, but along with them I have been on the stationary bike! The first day I pedaled slowly for 5 minutes and didn’t really feel any soreness 
or pain. The next time I asked if I can please do 5 miles, but he didn’t think that would be wise :) But he did say I can do 10 minutes. So, I figured I’ll pedal a little faster for more of a workout … after 10 minutes, ouch; I was feeling aches and pains here and there on my leg and ankle. He also had me do some other different exercises and when I came home, I felt pretty beat up.
And then I was reminded of the flip side of strengthen and being renewed that cannot be overlooked. My body needs rest and 'down time' along with the exercises to become strong.
In the same vein ‘spiritual exercises’ are good, but time to rest and be still is also needed for me to connect with God. And that is nothing new … it was written about centuries ago in the book of Psalms. Here are a few of the ways it has been translated from its original writing in Hebrew …
Be still, and know that I am God
Desist, and know that I am God
Cease striving and know that I am God
Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God
It is amazing, actually it is sad, how I need to hear/read the same thing a few times for my brain to absorb it … as I was writing the above, I was reminded of the time just recently when I also wrote about being still. Here is the quote I used that time … I really like the picture it paints of ‘catching butterflies’.
But there are other blessings that will be ours only if we stop chasing after them and let them come to us, like the butterfly that eludes our grasp when we try to catch it, but comes to perch on our shoulder when we stop chasing it and sit still. - Harold Kushner
A balance of all things is what keeps me stable … just as physical therapy and rest for my body go hand in hand, so I need both spiritual exercises and being still for the health of my soul.
or pain. The next time I asked if I can please do 5 miles, but he didn’t think that would be wise :) But he did say I can do 10 minutes. So, I figured I’ll pedal a little faster for more of a workout … after 10 minutes, ouch; I was feeling aches and pains here and there on my leg and ankle. He also had me do some other different exercises and when I came home, I felt pretty beat up.And then I was reminded of the flip side of strengthen and being renewed that cannot be overlooked. My body needs rest and 'down time' along with the exercises to become strong.
In the same vein ‘spiritual exercises’ are good, but time to rest and be still is also needed for me to connect with God. And that is nothing new … it was written about centuries ago in the book of Psalms. Here are a few of the ways it has been translated from its original writing in Hebrew …
Be still, and know that I am God
Desist, and know that I am God
Cease striving and know that I am God
Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God
It is amazing, actually it is sad, how I need to hear/read the same thing a few times for my brain to absorb it … as I was writing the above, I was reminded of the time just recently when I also wrote about being still. Here is the quote I used that time … I really like the picture it paints of ‘catching butterflies’.
But there are other blessings that will be ours only if we stop chasing after them and let them come to us, like the butterfly that eludes our grasp when we try to catch it, but comes to perch on our shoulder when we stop chasing it and sit still. - Harold Kushner
A balance of all things is what keeps me stable … just as physical therapy and rest for my body go hand in hand, so I need both spiritual exercises and being still for the health of my soul.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Day by Day - physical and spiritual exercises
I have been doing physical therapy on my left ankle for the last two weeks. What can I say about it? It is repetitive and tedious. I move my ankle 40 times to the left and then to the right. (I would rather run 5 miles) I then take a stretch band and put one end over my ankle and hold the other end in my hand and pull slightly as I move my ankle up and down. Because I have issues with my toes not moving as they should, I also need to put a towel on the floor and ‘try to pick up the towel’ by curling my toes about 40 times. There are more exercises and all have to be done 3 times a day, but I won’t bore you with the details.
Though most of the exercises feel insignificant and puny and I don’t see instant results, I know I need to do them all persistently to have a strong ankle. But I want the end results now; I do not like this ‘one day at a time’ thing. I would like instant gratification, now!
It has been reminding me of my relationship with God. I want the connection; I want the peace and joy that comes from being connected to my creator. But I don’t always want to do the ‘exercises’ that I need to do to make it happen. I want the end result … living a life that serves and honors God, but I want to skip over the day by day training.
When I do my physical therapy exercises I can see and feel my ankle moving and ‘working’, but I cannot see anything happening in the inside. I cannot see or feel the tendons, muscles or bones getting any stronger in my ankle. I don’t get up from doing the exercises and find my ankle healed anymore than it was an hour earlier. I have to go by the information I have to know that something is slowly happening in there … my knowledge of how the body works and what the professionals, my doctor and physical therapist, tell me will result from doing the exercises daily.
Sometimes when I do my 'spiritual exercises', it is much the same way. I don’t feel or see anything happening in myself. While it can be a peaceful and calm process to read, pray, write and be still … I don’t emerge from the time being a ‘holy human.’ I am still me … at times, selfish, unkind and impatient, the whole package of a messy human. But I make a choice to believe what the Bible, my pastors and others I trust say … step by step, day by day … I am connected to my Creator and my soul is renewed, healed and strengthen.
Just like I would rather go on a run than do physical therapy … somedays I would rather write or speak about my walk with God, than actually walk with God. At times, I have to be intentional about reading the Bible, praying, journaling, and serving, because otherwise it just doesn’t happen. But only when I have done that am I then ready for the ‘long run’ that He calls me to. Spirit of God, help me ‘one day at a time.’
By the way … I have about 6 more weeks of therapy to go through … ugh. And God only knows if I will be able to run again. My doc doesn’t really think it is a realistic idea, he says due to all the injuries, my leg might be too compromised. So maybe I need to take up biking ...
Though most of the exercises feel insignificant and puny and I don’t see instant results, I know I need to do them all persistently to have a strong ankle. But I want the end results now; I do not like this ‘one day at a time’ thing. I would like instant gratification, now!
It has been reminding me of my relationship with God. I want the connection; I want the peace and joy that comes from being connected to my creator. But I don’t always want to do the ‘exercises’ that I need to do to make it happen. I want the end result … living a life that serves and honors God, but I want to skip over the day by day training.
When I do my physical therapy exercises I can see and feel my ankle moving and ‘working’, but I cannot see anything happening in the inside. I cannot see or feel the tendons, muscles or bones getting any stronger in my ankle. I don’t get up from doing the exercises and find my ankle healed anymore than it was an hour earlier. I have to go by the information I have to know that something is slowly happening in there … my knowledge of how the body works and what the professionals, my doctor and physical therapist, tell me will result from doing the exercises daily.
Sometimes when I do my 'spiritual exercises', it is much the same way. I don’t feel or see anything happening in myself. While it can be a peaceful and calm process to read, pray, write and be still … I don’t emerge from the time being a ‘holy human.’ I am still me … at times, selfish, unkind and impatient, the whole package of a messy human. But I make a choice to believe what the Bible, my pastors and others I trust say … step by step, day by day … I am connected to my Creator and my soul is renewed, healed and strengthen.
Just like I would rather go on a run than do physical therapy … somedays I would rather write or speak about my walk with God, than actually walk with God. At times, I have to be intentional about reading the Bible, praying, journaling, and serving, because otherwise it just doesn’t happen. But only when I have done that am I then ready for the ‘long run’ that He calls me to. Spirit of God, help me ‘one day at a time.’
By the way … I have about 6 more weeks of therapy to go through … ugh. And God only knows if I will be able to run again. My doc doesn’t really think it is a realistic idea, he says due to all the injuries, my leg might be too compromised. So maybe I need to take up biking ...
Friday, June 16, 2006
Last month I spent a day at this quaint cottage close to my home. It is owned by an acquaintance and a group of ladies from my church used it for a 'day retreat'. We spent the day brainstorming about what is and what can be offered for women in our community. It was a fun, relaxing and productive day. It was inspiring to see the beautiful and creative touches all around us ... they were evidence of my friend and God's creativity.
The brains are in gear, the ideas are flowing ...
Monday, June 12, 2006
Appreciate each day!
Today I was out delivering something to a friend's house and I was driving on a road that I used to run on a lot. The road runs along the mountain and overlooks a valley filled with farms, complete with a creek at the bottom. It is a beautiful stretch to drive or run ... with the trees on one side and the patchwork of fields on the the other side. For me today, it was a reminder of the many morning runs I did on that stretch of road pre-accident ... sometimes with snow covering the fields and mist rising from the water, other times the spring flowers were just coming into bloom and still other days the corn was being harvested and orange pumpkins dotted the hills.
One memory that stands out from all the others is this one particular morning ... it was spring, slightly cool - the perfect temp for a run, the trees were full of fresh, young leaves and the air smelled of spring onions, dirt and grass. It was one of those runs, when I felt great ... as if I could have run for hours. I had just finished a triumph burst down a short hill and was making my way uphill again. Uphills were harder work, but I liked the challenge of pacing myself to run steady and controlled, so I didn't run out of energy before I reached the top. I was marveling in the fact that I was a runner and loving it. Years earlier, I didn't even like to go for walks, but a series of events (a post for another day) changed that and here I was ... on a challenging run, smelling unpleasant due to sweating intensely and loving it. Part way up the hill, the morning became even more glorious as I heard tunes from a harmonica up ahead. It was a soft, sweet melody that thrilled me and gave me the energy needed to make the final push to reach the top of the hill. There on a low, stone wall sat a teen passing the time waiting for the school bus with his harmonica. We only acknowledged each other with a nod (I was out of breath and he was playing :) but the memory of that scene/setting and the fact that our timing was never the same before or after that morning ... makes the memory of that morning priceless.
As I passed the stone wall yesterday, I cried and reminded myself to cherish each day and to make the most of every part of my being that I have, while I have it. I can't go on a run today (man, do I want to) but I can do stretches and exercises so that when my ankle is healed I can go on walks, maybe ride a bike and use my kayak.
Also, I do have a curious and healthy brain/mind ... am I making the most of it?
Relationships is another area that can change ... am I cherishing my loved ones each day?
So, appreciate what you have when you have it ... we never know what might change today.
One memory that stands out from all the others is this one particular morning ... it was spring, slightly cool - the perfect temp for a run, the trees were full of fresh, young leaves and the air smelled of spring onions, dirt and grass. It was one of those runs, when I felt great ... as if I could have run for hours. I had just finished a triumph burst down a short hill and was making my way uphill again. Uphills were harder work, but I liked the challenge of pacing myself to run steady and controlled, so I didn't run out of energy before I reached the top. I was marveling in the fact that I was a runner and loving it. Years earlier, I didn't even like to go for walks, but a series of events (a post for another day) changed that and here I was ... on a challenging run, smelling unpleasant due to sweating intensely and loving it. Part way up the hill, the morning became even more glorious as I heard tunes from a harmonica up ahead. It was a soft, sweet melody that thrilled me and gave me the energy needed to make the final push to reach the top of the hill. There on a low, stone wall sat a teen passing the time waiting for the school bus with his harmonica. We only acknowledged each other with a nod (I was out of breath and he was playing :) but the memory of that scene/setting and the fact that our timing was never the same before or after that morning ... makes the memory of that morning priceless.
As I passed the stone wall yesterday, I cried and reminded myself to cherish each day and to make the most of every part of my being that I have, while I have it. I can't go on a run today (man, do I want to) but I can do stretches and exercises so that when my ankle is healed I can go on walks, maybe ride a bike and use my kayak.
Also, I do have a curious and healthy brain/mind ... am I making the most of it?
Relationships is another area that can change ... am I cherishing my loved ones each day?
So, appreciate what you have when you have it ... we never know what might change today.
Friday, June 09, 2006
I'm back home ...
I'm back home ...
Though Joseph and Brandon didn't advance to the finals at the Debate Tournament, they did great ... holding their own against the other competitors, some being 2 to 3 years older. It was a joy to be at the tournament with Joseph, though it was very tiring. The debates took place in 1 of 5 buildings, so there was plenty of walking. Thankfully the many gracious event staff on golf carts would gladly take me where I needed to go.
The walking cast is feeling great ... I have been able to put a little more weight on it each day and today I even took a few steps without the crutches. Yes, progress is happening!
I am having the nerve pain in my ankle right now (that is why I am up at 5 am) that Dr. Ducic says is not really there. I understand the concept that he explained of the phantom pains, but it still seems odd.
Here's the explanation ... in April, during surgery, Dr. Ducic worked on a nerve in the back of my left calf. It was not an area that gave me constant pain, but it was super sensitive when touched or bumped. Due to the wound, there was a nerve cut off there. He moved the end of the cut nerve into the center of the leg further. Now that I can take my cast off, I realize how much better that area feels. Before I couldn't even wear socks that were tight over that area, now it feels normal. So, the calf feels better, but that nerve is the one that used to run down along the left side of my ankle and foot. The nerve ending is 'irritated' from the surgery, so as I feel pain in my ankle ... if I rub the area on the calf where the ending is, it does relieve some of the pain. Because that is where the pain is, but my brain is registering it as my ankle because that is what it did for 40 years. He says when I am having the pain, to not think about the actual spot where I feel it and with time my brain should re-register the nerve sensations. Also, with time the pain should stop as the nerve heals.
Though Joseph and Brandon didn't advance to the finals at the Debate Tournament, they did great ... holding their own against the other competitors, some being 2 to 3 years older. It was a joy to be at the tournament with Joseph, though it was very tiring. The debates took place in 1 of 5 buildings, so there was plenty of walking. Thankfully the many gracious event staff on golf carts would gladly take me where I needed to go.
The walking cast is feeling great ... I have been able to put a little more weight on it each day and today I even took a few steps without the crutches. Yes, progress is happening!
I am having the nerve pain in my ankle right now (that is why I am up at 5 am) that Dr. Ducic says is not really there. I understand the concept that he explained of the phantom pains, but it still seems odd.
Here's the explanation ... in April, during surgery, Dr. Ducic worked on a nerve in the back of my left calf. It was not an area that gave me constant pain, but it was super sensitive when touched or bumped. Due to the wound, there was a nerve cut off there. He moved the end of the cut nerve into the center of the leg further. Now that I can take my cast off, I realize how much better that area feels. Before I couldn't even wear socks that were tight over that area, now it feels normal. So, the calf feels better, but that nerve is the one that used to run down along the left side of my ankle and foot. The nerve ending is 'irritated' from the surgery, so as I feel pain in my ankle ... if I rub the area on the calf where the ending is, it does relieve some of the pain. Because that is where the pain is, but my brain is registering it as my ankle because that is what it did for 40 years. He says when I am having the pain, to not think about the actual spot where I feel it and with time my brain should re-register the nerve sensations. Also, with time the pain should stop as the nerve heals.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Update from Check-up
I should smell better now ... I finally had a bath after 8 weeks of only 'sponge-bathing' :)
Dr. Sauer was happy with the healing of the Achilles tendon and the cast is gone and in it's place is a walking 'boot'. It looks something like a ancient ski boot, that I can remove to bathe, sleep and rest. YES! Over the next week, I will be able to put more and more weight on it and in about 8 to 10 days I should be able to kiss my crutches good-bye. I start physical therapy next week.
As for the nerve pain, Dr. Ducic says the random pain I have been experiencing on the upper leg is part of the healing process. He thinks more time is needed for more healing and he wants to see me again in August and then he will decide if he should do another process. As for the nerve pain I had sporadically on the side of my ankle ... you won't believe this, but he says the area where I have the pain has no nerve. The nerve is cut off up further in the large wound area and that the pains are 'phantom pains'. My brain is telling me I have pain when I don't actually have any ... what?? He then also reassured me that I am not crazy ... well that is nice to know.
Dr. Sauer was happy with the healing of the Achilles tendon and the cast is gone and in it's place is a walking 'boot'. It looks something like a ancient ski boot, that I can remove to bathe, sleep and rest. YES! Over the next week, I will be able to put more and more weight on it and in about 8 to 10 days I should be able to kiss my crutches good-bye. I start physical therapy next week.
As for the nerve pain, Dr. Ducic says the random pain I have been experiencing on the upper leg is part of the healing process. He thinks more time is needed for more healing and he wants to see me again in August and then he will decide if he should do another process. As for the nerve pain I had sporadically on the side of my ankle ... you won't believe this, but he says the area where I have the pain has no nerve. The nerve is cut off up further in the large wound area and that the pains are 'phantom pains'. My brain is telling me I have pain when I don't actually have any ... what?? He then also reassured me that I am not crazy ... well that is nice to know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
