Day by Day

Recovering since Thursday has been okay. No major issues ... just taking it easy, taking pain meds and antibiotics. Thankfully, I am not nauseated anymore. I spend my time on the recliner or laying down, with a little walking on my crutches. I have stitches at four different places, two where Dr. Sauer worked on each ankle and two where Dr. Ducic worked on sensitive nerves.

Dr. Sauer stretched the Achilles tendon of my left ankle (non weight-bearing for 6 weeks) and removed two screws from my right ankle. The incision on my right ankle was very sensitive for a day or two, but is now feeling fairly good. So as time goes on, walking on the crutches should be easier.

When I had seen Dr. Ducic back in February, he told me he can either cut or decompress the damaged nerve in my left thigh and he was leaning towards cutting it. That would mean instant relief from the burning pain I have had for over a year (YES)! It would also mean a numb area for the rest of my life. Decompressing the nerve might/should/could relieve the pain, but no guarantees. When I saw him on Wednesday he decided he wanted to try to decompress it because he thought it might work and he didn't want me to have a numb area on my leg for the rest of my life. I was not a happy girl ... I had been planning on waking up from surgery with no burning pain and now he was telling me decompressing might work, he thinks it should, but he couldn't promise me it would. Because decompressing is reopening a damaged nerve, it might not work instantly, but slowly over the next days/weeks/months the pain might get better. And if it doesn't ... then I can come back to him and get the nerve cut at that time. Needless to say, I was not happy to hear he wanted to try this option, but he is the expert and so what could I say.

Today I can say the decompressing did help, I do not have the burning pain, Praise God! I do have some annoying tingling sensations, but they should go away with time as the nerves heal more.

So, day by day I move forward in another chapter of my recovery.

Surgery Report

Surgery went well and we will be home around 7pm today. I am in pain so pray for that.

- posted by josh

Yes, home the same day. Though I was nervous about driving home today, I am now very happy to be back in my house on my recliner. They gave me some type of 18-hour pain med and said that it would be better to drive home today when that was in effect, then tomorrow.

Both parts of the surgery went well and Dr. Sauer didn't have to make as long an incision as he thought he might need to at the ankle, so they released me around 3pm.
Took my meds as soon as I got home, throw them up promptly, tired to eat a little, then took more meds. Staying down for about an hour now.
Pain of left ankle is bad ... it is in a position that is has not been in for about 2 years and held firmly there with a cast.

Forgiveness is not an Event; it is a Way

A few days ago, I read this ... Art is not a Thing; it is a Way.
I have been learning recently ... Forgiveness is not an Event; it is a Way.

Step by step, I am learning that forgiveness is a choice ... that it doesn't just happen on its own. I suppose my unthought-out sense of forgiveness was that it was some event of letting go that would return things to normalcy. That is not the case. Now I am beginning to understand that forgiveness is a journey, a way of being ... not an event. It is not about restoring things to some magical place where the reality of our lives did not happen. It is about relying on the Spirit of God to give me what I need to walk in forgiveness each day. It is also about establishing spiritual practices where I let go of the parts of my soul that are still living in the past. During bad moments it is hard for me to accept all that happened, changed and is challenging in my life. But I don't want to stay there. I want to forgive ... I want to walk in kindness, love and peace. Practicing forgiveness is like a rigorous marathon, but it is freeing. And a practice it is, because there is no 'right' way that brings peace on every step of the journey. But as the quote at the top of this blogsite says .. if I want to take a journey, it starts with a step.

-some thoughts from Time's Fool

Surgery Week

My surgery is this Thursday, the 13th at 8 AM at Georgetown University Hospital in Washington DC.
Jerry and I will head down on Wednesday morning as I have appointments with both specialists in the afternoon. Then I need to be at the hospital at 6 AM on Thursday morning, so we will stay in a hotel that night. Any suggestions in the DC area?
We should have some time to explore some of the city that afternoon and evening ... I am hoping there are still some cherry blossoms left to see as I have never been to DC in the spring. The doctors are assuming I will only have to stay one night, so Jerry will stay down also and then hopefully we will both be home on Friday. I will have a cast and be using crutches. I will need to go back down for follow up visits in two weeks and then every four weeks for a while.

I am thankful I live 'in such a time as this' that there are the skills and technology to help give me more mobility and hopefully less pain. I am even more thankful that I have the hope of comfort and peace from God's spirit in me ... that I don't have to go through this alone.

Enjoying God's presence in solitude

Enjoying God's presence in solitude - by Lance Witt

You were designed to enjoy the presence of God, but that's easier said than done. Everything in our culture seems to keep us from experiencing that solitude. We live in an age of continuous activity that consumes all of our time and attention, but it cannot satisfy our soul. By the way a lot of us live, you would think that we believe the bumper sticker theology that says, "Jesus is coming soon. Look busy."
Hurry is a devious enemy of the soul. In our rush to accomplish much and live life to the fullest, we rob ourselves of some of life's richest moments. Following Jesus cannot be a sprint.
The goal of solitude is not so much to unplug from my crazy world, as it is to change frequencies so that I can hear the Father. But how do we do it? It will take some work and cultivation. Psalm 143: 5-10 gives us a great template for our endeavor.

Psalm 143:5-10 (NIV)

[5]I remember the days of long ago;

I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.

[6] I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

[7] Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails.

Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

[8] Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

[9] Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you.

[10] Teach me to do your will, for you are my God;

may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

Another Chapter in my Recovery

I have scheduled a surgery on my left leg ... another chapter in my recovery. It will be in three weeks on Thursday, April 13th at Georgetown University Hospital in Washingtown, DC. I will be in the hospital for a night or two.

After a consultation a few weeks ago, I had to process/pray/think/decide about my options.

This is what will happen, one time in the operating room (I've been there enough:) with two procedures planned ...
Dr. Sauer (orthopedic surgeon, specializing in feet & ankles) will stretch the Achilles tendon and release the joint capsule to give me more movement in my left ankle. I have been confident that I want to have that surgery, but I had some reservations about the surgery on the damaged nerve in my upper leg. Dr. Ducic, a neurologist, said that he could cut the nerve that is giving me a lot of burning pain. I will then have a numb area on my thigh. Though he had assured me it won't affect the function of my leg, I was concerned about that ... because once you cut a nerve it is gone :(

Well, God is good and he provided me with someone to talk to that could give me first hand experience. Jerry's brother-in-law's friend (did you get that:) was injured in an accident about 6 years ago and he had a wound on his upper leg that severed a nerve. He didn't have to decide whether or not to cut it ... it was cut during the accident. I talked to him yesterday and he saw no problem with me having the surgery, because he has no issues with his upper leg functioning properly and the numb spot doesn't bother him at all. He confirmed what Dr. Ducic told me should happen ... the area that is numb is getting smaller as some other nerves of the leg have taken over some of the numb area. Our bodies have been created in an amazing way, to heal themselves. Also, he said he has no pain ... no pain, that is hard to imagine! I know I will still have other aches and pains due to all the injuries I had, but the worst of my pain, the constant burning, is from this damaged nerve.

So after the conversation with him, I called the surgery coordinators and everything is set to happen on the 13th, after that I will have a cast and be on crutches for 6 weeks :( then a walking cast for 6 more weeks and then physical therapy. I have other ways I would rather spend my spring and early summer, but I look forward to the end results.

Since finalizing everything this morning ... I have had a few moments of "I don't want to do this, yes I do, no, yes, maybe ..." But that is just my 'surface feelings' ... I do have peace about it and I want the end result of less pain and more movement (hopefully)

Tomorrow I go for the pre-op tests at my local doctor, so the process begins ...

I ask you for your prayers as I prepare for and go through this process. Thank you.

Forgiveness

It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on. Real Live Preacher

Living Fully Alive

Forgiveness is an ironic thing ... so opposite from what the tapes/thoughts in my head would tell me. If I say something that I realize later was unkind and might have hurt another person, I think that if I don't quite feel forgiven, then I will be 'better' from now on ... like my sense of shame/guilt will make me be 'better' and help me remember not to do that again. When the truth is ... that will bog me down!
If I skip too many days of spending time with God (reading/praying/mediating) or even just being aware of Him as I go through my day, I want to walk around in shame, kicking myself for the lack of self-discipline. But does that make me enjoy spending time with God and seeing Him as the loving Father that He is ... NO! ... it can actually keep me from doing it because I feel so ashamed.

On the other side of the coin, if I ask God for forgivenss (and the person, if the situation merits it) and allow myself to receive it in my spirit, I am free ... free to be the person God wants me to be - free to 'talk' with Him all the time, free to love, to encourage and to forgive others. And living in that freedom, is when I will be fully alive.
The glory of God can be seen in a person living fully alive!

Do not worry

Do not worry ... when you realize that you have not yet arrived. After all, there would be no journey if you had nowhere left to go. Reallivepreacher.com

Missing warm weather

The last few days had been warm ... this morning winter is back. It is in the 30's and cold and windy. I am waiting ... waiting for warmer weather and waiting to hear back from my doctors about the potential surgery. My husband reminds me, "They are busy, you are not their only patient." I know, but I would like to move forward with this.

This cold weather makes me miss Florida, so here are some pictures from my trip down there in January.

Jonathan loves to feed (torment) the seagulls.

The mug says on "life is good"

sunset