Sunday Saying - Uncertainty

Ever have uncertainty in your life?

Generally uncertainty is seen as a negative - what would happen if we saw it as a positive instead?

“Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.” ~ R.I. Fitzhenry

Maybe certainty is overrated.

To be uncertain is to be uncomfortable, but to be certain is to be ridiculous. ~Chinese Proverb

So have you ever found yourself in a situation where uncertainty was better than certainty?

Chocolate and God

God gave us...


God gave us the sun and the stars and the winds, and people worshiped the sun and the stars and the winds, instead of the God who made them.


Then God gave us the Law (in the Bible) and people worshiped the Law instead of the God who spoke it.


No matter what God gave people, eventually they were worshiping that thing, and not God.


So God gave us himself instead ...

- Author Unknown 


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As people, we seem to have a need to worship something other and/or bigger than us. Worship means "great or excessive love, admiration, and respect felt for somebody or something."

As humans, when we love/worship something, we like to be able to see, touch, and even smell the object of our love. I love chocolate. I like to read descriptions of chocolate and how it is made. I even like to look at pictures of chocolate. I like to hear someone else talk about a great piece of chocolate they’ve enjoyed. I like to smell chocolate, but those things alone would never satisfy my love for chocolate.
When I am blessed to be standing in front of a display of chocolates, especially homemade, I am a happy girl. I take time to select just the right piece. Am I in the mood for nutty, fruit, milk, dark, salty? I like to consider all the choices. (Dark is my preference of late) After holding up the line way too long, I make my decision. I slowly, almost reverently, open the bag and take a deep breathe - ah, life is good! Then I enjoy the taste of it - on a good day, it is everything I want it to be. Then and only then is my love for chocolate satisfied ... until the next time.

Ancient words say, “Love God with your entire heart, with your entire soul, and with your entire mind.” So what does that look like? How do we love God? Do we walk around looking upward, reciting Bible verses, hugging holy statues or maybe we send God cute valentine cards? Is a certain church or program that is right? Is there a correct formula to follow - steps 1, 2 and 3?



I have not found the formula for finding perfect chocolate ever time. Sometimes the displays of chocolate that look the best end up not tasting all that great. Other times I am in the mood for chocolate in the midst of an ordinary day.

On day, I had a bite of Dove dark chocolate as I headed out the door on an errand. I’ve had Dove before (often) its a good chocolate, but not 'out of this world' good. But that day, as I stepped outside, the sun was shining, my son was in the car on time, and driving down the road, one of my favorite songs came on the radio. With all that, the chocolate in my mouth tasted superb - the moment was priceless. 


I’ve been finding my walk with God to be similar to that. Some days when I am in a so-called ‘perfect setting’ to worship God, I feel flat, lifeless and empty. The 'formula' that works for others (or that seems to work for them) doesn't do anything for me.

Other days in the midst of life, in a moment when I least expect it, I become aware of God in a real way - the moment is priceless.

I’ve discovered if I’m intentional about looking for God, those moments can be anywhere, anytime. Guess when God said he is everywhere, he really meant it! It might be when I’m out for a walk, having dinner with my boys, interacting with others or even doing laundry. And of course, when eating chocolate.

Where/how do you connect with God?

Interruptions

Do you ever interrupt someone in a conversation? Please say yes, because I don't want to be alone.

If you've ever had a conversation with me, you might know that I interrupt at times, especially if it's something I feel passionate about - can be either positive or negative.

Sometimes the interruption is like an unannounced volcano, the words jump out before I realize they are even forming, which means I've forgotten all the instructions I've ever given myself about thinking before I talk.
Some times, my tongue bleeds. It's a good thing, if the other person is finished talking and my bloody tongue is still under control. It means I bit well and didn't interrupt. But at times the biting is too hard and the slow-churning volcano spills over, spewing words where they don't belong.

Every time I do it, I get really annoyed at myself. And I promise myself I won't do it again. Never, ever again!!

If I realize I interrupted, I apologize to the person promptly and hope that my apologize will give them memory loss. (won't that be nice) Most times, the person is gracious and says no big deal and the conversation continues as normal, with my tongue now severely bridled. (hopefully) Other times, the interruption has messed with the other person or the moment to the point that the conversation fizzles out soon after. Hate when that happens!

Then there are times, I'm replaying a conversation in my mind later - might be hours or days later - and I realize I interrupted. Ugh! Then I begin a conversation with God about whether or not, I should take a few steps backward and talk to the person about it. Sometimes my answer is clear and I act on it. Some days, everything within me is saying I need to address it, but I don't want to. I argue with myself.
I needed to get my point across and how was I supposed to when 'they' didn't give me an open!
Janet, this needs an apologize - do it!
But ... but ... but ....

The good news for this ugly part of me is that when I recognize my interruptions and ask God to forgive me, he does. And according to what I've read, he does have memory loss about it - yes!

If I'm lucky, the other person will forgive me also and our relationship will continue as before.

I've never interrupted in the public way that Kanye West did on the VMA awards - but after seeing him on Leno last night, I assume he's feeling some of the same things I do after I interrupt.

His apologize was not perfect. It was awkward.

Walking in, he appeared very nervous and anxious. To tell you the truth, I was concerned what was in the rolled-up coat he carried in. And the ideas that went through my mind were not kind and showed me how much I've judged him. I felt stupid when I realized it was only a coat that he then wore to sing.

Kanye seemed at a loss and didn't know what to say, when Leno asked him what his late mother would think of this situation. That question seemed almost cruel to me - not sure that it was kind or necessary.

But Kanye's interruption, Leno's questions and the awkward apologize - none of that is mine to control or judge. What am I to do?

Forgive.

Pray for wisdom for everyone involved.

And thank God for classy women like Beyonce that can teach us all something about taking the high road. (now, if she would just find some pants for some of her outfits)

Sunday Sayings

I like to reserve Sunday as a day of rest, so my Sunday posts will be sayings or quotes that I've read that make me laugh and/or think.

"We are created in the image of God, and he modeled for us a way of life that makes sense for how we are created. Here's how to dance the dance of life, he said: work, be creative, use your imagination, throw yourself into it, whether you are washing dishes, reading to your kids and running a household, or trading stocks, reading corporate reports, and running a business.
At the end of each day, stop.
Take a rest, eat a good meal, get enough sleep, and refresh yourself.
Take time to think about your day, to notice where God was in it and where you were blessed, and to say, "It's good."

Then go back at it the next day. And after six days, take a whole day off. And say, "It's really good." Spend a whole day just pausing, just reflecting on how really good it is, and then start the dance again, at a sustainable pace."

- Keri Wyatt Kent, author of Breathe

Photo of my collection after a day of rest

Time Heals?

When a tragedy happens, the popular saying "Time heals" is heard many times. I used to say it myself. But I've come to the conclusion that saying is incomplete. Time alone does not always heal.

My expanded version is - "Time heals, along with proper care to yourself and love from others and God."

We know that minor injuries or disease can heal with time alone. But many physical issues need rest and some help from bandaids, doctors, medicine, surgery, etc. or they worsen and can even cause more issues.

The same is true for emotional damage, which is harder to see and therefore easier to ignore. As time passes after a personal or national tragedy, we might be doing "okay" or at least, convincing ourselves and others that we are doing okay.

We've healed. We've moved on. We've gotten over it.

Healing is possible. Moving on is possible. I'm not sure what "getting over it" means. If it means living life as if it never happened, then that's (almost) impossible, because one doesn't get over a tragedy, one learns to live with a 'new normal'. If we don't process how the trauma of a tragedy affects us, our life could easily spiral off track (maybe years later) in small or big ways, even to the point of adding more tragedy to our own life or to others.

911 is one of those national tragedies that time alone didn't and won't heal.

Along with time passing, we all needed to take care of ourselves by checking the priorities of our own lives. We needed the love of others, especially to hear us talk about our fears in this new, strange landscape. We needed the peace and comfort of God to still our scared hearts and minds.

The people that lost loved ones needed to lean on others to process and grieve their loss. And they continue to need the love and understanding of their loved ones and of their fellow Americans, especially each year on the anniversary.

Songs, events and books showed support and gave strength to us, especially those affected the most. Monetary donations from across the world helped bring a measure of healing to individuals and businesses.

And each following year - remembering those lost and sharing memories remind us that we aren't alone in reflecting on the tragedy of 9/11. Time alone does not heal, but with each other and God, healing can come.

We remember those lost and those who lost.

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A Speck of Dirt

I ignore the vibrating phone in my pocket as I chat with two friends. Thirty seconds later, I feel it again. I don't want to interrupt the conversation, so I multi-task and pull it out while staying focused on what my friend is saying. A quick glance tells me its my husband, Jerry. I touch the ignore button and put the phone back in my pocket. (oh, don't act shocked, you've done that already too) He calls most days when he's eating lunch, usually just to chat, and he knows if I don't answer right away, I'll call as soon as I can.

The phone vibrates again.

I steal another glance at the screen ... Call from Jerry.

I know three calls in a row means business. Excusing myself from the conversation I say, "Hello."

"Where are you?" A soft voice asks. Jerry is a quiet person with a soft voice, but it usually has energy. Today it sounds weak.

"I'm at church, finishing up iMoms." (an event for moms of young children I oversee)

"When will you be done?" The same quiet voice asks.

"Soon. Are you okay? Something wrong?"

"Guess I have something in my eye," he says. "A piece of dirt or roof shingle. It burns like crazy and I can hardly open my eye."

That sets the activities of the next few hours in motion.

A twenty mile drive brings me to the house under construction with his truck parked out front. He gets into my car with a hand over his left eye. "Any better?" I ask wistfully.

"No, it hurts like hell," he says, putting the visor down. "Yes, thought you have a light and mirror in here. Now let me see if I can find something." Two seconds later he says, "Darn, I can't even keep it open long enough to see anything."

And me, "Miss No-Nurse" - the only help I offer is saying, "Which hospital do you want to go to?" Jerry does all he can to avoid emergency rooms, plus he had lasik eye surgery a year ago, so his first choice is the eye doctor that performed that surgery.

Except - this is the day, no one is in that office.

Second choice is Dr. Pearson, the eye doctor he saw pre-lasik when he wore glasses. Her receptionist says the schedule is full today, but come on it, "We'll squeeze you in." During the twenty mile drive (almost back to church) Jerry's eye continues to feel worse. I multi-task again - driving and praying.

Dr. Pearson is exactly what you want an eye doctor to be - calm, steady and thorough. Drops to numb the eye give Jerry some relief as Dr. Pearson prepares her attack. Then lights, equipment and action - which includes flipping his eyelid inside out (no, I don't look, remember Miss No-Nurse here) and ten minutes after sitting in her chair, Jerry is all smiles as the pest is gone.

Dr. Pearson shows us the culprit. My eyes are good - but I can hardly see the tiny sliver of 'something' on her swab. It is just a speck! I'm amazed that tiny thing caused Jerry so much pain. His vision is fine, but she orders a nap (he's a happy man!) and says in a day or two the scratches will be healed.

As I watch the process - I can't help but think of other specks. Specks that annoy me in life, but instead of getting someone to help me, I try to fix them on my own and/or I stuff them. Jerry didn't have that choice today. He tried briefly to deal with the speck on his own by blinking and rubbing his eye - probably causing a few more scratches in the process - but he soon realized he couldn't fix it. The speck was only removed after he asked for help. Yes, he still needs some recovery time (snoring on the couch as I type :) but the culprit is gone.

Do I have any specks that are annoying me? Specks that if removed quickly won't cause much damage, but if not removed, could cause me more pain ... or worse, to lose my vision?

Ouch!

Day by Day

I groan as I head to physical therapy - again. Following surgery on my foot, I'm only two weeks into a two-month process and the exercises are already tedious. Forty times left, forty times right, up and down, around in circles - I won't bore you with all the details of the exercises that I need to do day after day. (ever try picking up a towel with your toes? 40 times in a row!) Most of them feel insignificant and puny. No outward change is evident right away. I want a strong ankle ASAP. I'm not enjoying this day-by-day process.
Then it dawns on me - this is like my relationship with God. I want the result - having a strong connection to my creator and the change that can bring about in my life. But too often, I'm impatient and so busy looking for that result, I forget about the day-by-day choices that will get me to that place.

While doing physical therapy, I can't see the muscles and tendons in my ankle gaining strength. Most days, when I finish, it doesn't feel any stronger than it did an hour earlier. Actually, some days my ankle is tired and feels weaker than when I began the exercises. I have to go by the knowledge of how the body works and what my therapist tell me - these daily exercises will make my ankle strong again.

It is the same way with my connection to God - most times, I don't see anything happening in myself. It is peaceful and calm to read, pray, journal or be still and I often feel refreshed when I take time to connect with my creator, but I'm not holy when I finish. I am still a messy human. There's been no amazing change. No halo floating over me. I can get discouraged or I can choose to believe what God, pastors and others I trust say. Day by day, choice by choice - something is happening in me. I am getting stronger and becoming more the person I was created to be.

That promise helps me discipline myself to do exercises for my spirit - day after day. What exercises do you do for therapy for your spirit?

(Repost ... about an experience a few years ago)

Review of "Fearless" by Max Lucado

A few weeks ago, I signed up to review books for Thomas Nelson - the website describes the company like this ... "From humble beginnings in a village in Scotland 200 years ago to a modern-day publishing enterprise employing over 600 people, Thomas Nelson's goal has been to Honor God and Serve People."

Recently, I received the first book to review - Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear by Max Lucado, which is released in stores today. As I type that, I realize I am fearful about posting my first review - guess I better go back and reread the book.

Can we live our lives without fear? In Fearless - Lucado's wise and easy to read writing helps us understand how that is possible. He doesn’t take a Pollyanna approach and deny the realities of this world. He covers a range of subjects - money/health/doubt/personal and global disaster/etc. and “the stampede of fear out there” about them with logic, personal stories and Biblical truths. Because Fearless is realistic, it’s helpful and encouraging. He’s honest about his own fears. Yes, he has some, but he doesn't allow them to control his life.

I’m generally not a fearful person, but after a horrific accident, fear threaten to control me. Thanks to wise counsel, I’ve been able to process the trauma and not be controlled by fears. (most of the time) Fearless will help me continue on the journey of living fearlessly.
One of my favorite lines in the book is “Fear has never been famous for its logic.” (page 107) I know that when I make a decision based on my fears, it is rarely good. I’m also challenged by his thoughts that talking about fears brings them to light and helps dispel them. I will recommend Fearless to others.

Power of Words - plus Actions!

Tonight I was reminded (again) that words alone aren't always enough. Most times, they need to be accompanied by actions! Just saying I'm sorry can be easy - backing it up with actions, that's harder.

I had a time (words/actions - it was ugly) with a loved one that I should not have had. I know better. It was wrong. I should have taken a higher road.

It's so stinking hard to look at my own 'ugly' and then once I've see it, to know how to deal with it. "I'm sorry" helped - but my following actions (or lack thereof) spoke louder than any words I said.

God - I'm so sorry!

Thank you that I can continually learn and grow. Thank you that I can ask for wisdom from you. And God, please help me recognize wisdom when I feel/see/hear it.

Use of Time

The average life expectancy worldwide is 67
Macau (in China) is 84
United States is 78
The lowest, Swaziland, is 39

There's an enormous gap of 45 years between the highest and lowest countries. Wow, people in Macau live over twice as long as people in Swaziland. Interesting - but that's a post for another day.

The point is everyone's life will end - this time we have will end. Depending on the day, that is a good thought, other days it makes me a little sad. Each person in the world, whether they live to be 35 or 85, have 24 hours in a day - no more or no less. What am I doing with my time?

There are a zillion time management books out there and some are good. I do need to manage my time because there are many things in life to be done - so I need to be actively productive some hours every day. So do you ... no excuses allowed, managing time is a skill that can be learned.

As I wrote in part 1 about Time what I call being productive with my time has and continues to change. Years ago, thinking about time would make me want to do something to make my time count in a tangible way. Get up earlier, put more hours in at work, clean a room, make a meal, plan an event, organize - all good things that need to happen. But when that is all my life is about - I burnout or get depressed.

Time is not tangible - I can't touch it, hold it or box it up and give it to you for your birthday. So some of what I do with my time isn't tangible either.

I like the lines that start a few verses of one of J.R.R. Tolkien poems ...
"I sit beside the fire and think
Of all that I have seen ..."

Sometimes I sit and think. I am still. You see no activity. Not even a book in my hands. Sometimes it happens spontaneously after reading or hearing something that needs pondering. So I stop what I'm doing and think about it. Other times, I plan it out. I read or listen to something challenging or thoughtful and then give myself time to sit and think about it. A warm afternoon in my hammock seems to work good for this. And I'm realizing if I go too long without some thinking time, I feel discontented and annoyed with life.

After these times, I have nothing tangible to show for those minutes or hours. I doubt that I know more than I did before. I don't think my IQ went up. And if it was a question I was pondering, I rarely have an answer.

No answers. Nothing productive accomplished. What's the point? At times, I feel guilty for not 'doing' something with that time. Then I realize that I am more content with my life, I'm not depressed, I have hope and suddenly the things I could have been doing don't seem as important. After all, an organized office is overrated and the flowers hide almost all the weeds.

Another area of spending time is relationships. Meaningful time spent with others cannot be given a price. This is an area I am and need to learn more about.

Guess I'll go see if the hammock has any wisdom for me about that ...