Another Chapter in my Recovery

I have scheduled a surgery on my left leg ... another chapter in my recovery. It will be in three weeks on Thursday, April 13th at Georgetown University Hospital in Washingtown, DC. I will be in the hospital for a night or two.

After a consultation a few weeks ago, I had to process/pray/think/decide about my options.

This is what will happen, one time in the operating room (I've been there enough:) with two procedures planned ...
Dr. Sauer (orthopedic surgeon, specializing in feet & ankles) will stretch the Achilles tendon and release the joint capsule to give me more movement in my left ankle. I have been confident that I want to have that surgery, but I had some reservations about the surgery on the damaged nerve in my upper leg. Dr. Ducic, a neurologist, said that he could cut the nerve that is giving me a lot of burning pain. I will then have a numb area on my thigh. Though he had assured me it won't affect the function of my leg, I was concerned about that ... because once you cut a nerve it is gone :(

Well, God is good and he provided me with someone to talk to that could give me first hand experience. Jerry's brother-in-law's friend (did you get that:) was injured in an accident about 6 years ago and he had a wound on his upper leg that severed a nerve. He didn't have to decide whether or not to cut it ... it was cut during the accident. I talked to him yesterday and he saw no problem with me having the surgery, because he has no issues with his upper leg functioning properly and the numb spot doesn't bother him at all. He confirmed what Dr. Ducic told me should happen ... the area that is numb is getting smaller as some other nerves of the leg have taken over some of the numb area. Our bodies have been created in an amazing way, to heal themselves. Also, he said he has no pain ... no pain, that is hard to imagine! I know I will still have other aches and pains due to all the injuries I had, but the worst of my pain, the constant burning, is from this damaged nerve.

So after the conversation with him, I called the surgery coordinators and everything is set to happen on the 13th, after that I will have a cast and be on crutches for 6 weeks :( then a walking cast for 6 more weeks and then physical therapy. I have other ways I would rather spend my spring and early summer, but I look forward to the end results.

Since finalizing everything this morning ... I have had a few moments of "I don't want to do this, yes I do, no, yes, maybe ..." But that is just my 'surface feelings' ... I do have peace about it and I want the end result of less pain and more movement (hopefully)

Tomorrow I go for the pre-op tests at my local doctor, so the process begins ...

I ask you for your prayers as I prepare for and go through this process. Thank you.

Forgiveness

It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on. Real Live Preacher

Living Fully Alive

Forgiveness is an ironic thing ... so opposite from what the tapes/thoughts in my head would tell me. If I say something that I realize later was unkind and might have hurt another person, I think that if I don't quite feel forgiven, then I will be 'better' from now on ... like my sense of shame/guilt will make me be 'better' and help me remember not to do that again. When the truth is ... that will bog me down!
If I skip too many days of spending time with God (reading/praying/mediating) or even just being aware of Him as I go through my day, I want to walk around in shame, kicking myself for the lack of self-discipline. But does that make me enjoy spending time with God and seeing Him as the loving Father that He is ... NO! ... it can actually keep me from doing it because I feel so ashamed.

On the other side of the coin, if I ask God for forgivenss (and the person, if the situation merits it) and allow myself to receive it in my spirit, I am free ... free to be the person God wants me to be - free to 'talk' with Him all the time, free to love, to encourage and to forgive others. And living in that freedom, is when I will be fully alive.
The glory of God can be seen in a person living fully alive!

Do not worry

Do not worry ... when you realize that you have not yet arrived. After all, there would be no journey if you had nowhere left to go. Reallivepreacher.com

Missing warm weather

The last few days had been warm ... this morning winter is back. It is in the 30's and cold and windy. I am waiting ... waiting for warmer weather and waiting to hear back from my doctors about the potential surgery. My husband reminds me, "They are busy, you are not their only patient." I know, but I would like to move forward with this.

This cold weather makes me miss Florida, so here are some pictures from my trip down there in January.

Jonathan loves to feed (torment) the seagulls.

The mug says on "life is good"

sunset

A-Journey

Last evening, I heard an amazing woman speak ... Lori Todaro. This is a woman that has dealt with too many losses in her life and yet she moves forward triumphantly. She knows 'it is not all about her' but as she so passionately told us 'it is all about God and His plan'. And our part of that is to make a positive difference in people's lives we come into contact with.
She has four sons and one of them suffers from a rare genetic disorder known as Periodic Fever Syndrome. Her days are filled with doctor visits, shots, watching him in pain, meds, trying to find the best treatment for him, etc. and yet she has time to connect with the clerks in Wal-mart if they look like they are having a bad day. What a woman!

Check out her website ... www.a-journey.com
(check that out! Her website name is the same as my blogsite:)

Here's a paragraph from in her book ...

My enthusiasm for life has been strength for me. I embrace each day. I am glad I am able to do that. Someone recently said to me, “I admire how you never give up!” I was touched by that comment, but I was also a little puzzled. What choice do I have? My dad is dead! My son is sick! My mom is gone! What choice do I have? If I don’t embrace each day, what message am I sending to my boys? What environment am I creating for my husband? What kind of friend would I be? More importantly, what kind of Christian would I be? Believing that I will see my parents again and knowing that God will take care of my son and our family, why would I not rejoice and celebrate each day? - Lori Todaro

Ice Photos

This was the world in our area yesterday morning. We had a combination of rain/ice/sleet overnight and as the sun came out, this is how the trees looked. Reminds me of scenes from 'The Chronicles of Narnia'.

Clear Vision

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart ...
Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. - Carl Jung

Through-out each of our lives, we are on many different journeys ... education, marriage, careers, parenting ... just to mention a few. Those are all good and wonderful journeys and each of those journeys will be enhanced if we are brave enough to take the journey inward to our own hearts. To take the time to stop, wait, rest ... to be still and know that God is God and that He wants to speak to each of us. We are His precious creation, created in His image.

Opinions from Specialists

I love the wacky, unplanned way life works sometimes ... unplanned to me, but not unplanned to God, I assume.
Right before Christmas I was shopping and ran into Martha. Martha is a women that I causally knew over the past decade or so. She is a friend of a friend and she used to shop at our garden center. Then in late 2004, when I was doing physical therapy, Martha was also doing therapy for a hip issue she was dealing with. We didn't connect a lot during therapy because it took most of my energy to concentrate on what I needed to do, but we had the connection of health issues.
As we stopped and talked in December, I was happy to hear that a surgery had taken care of the pain she had been dealing with for some time. She encouraged me to check out Georgetown University at Washington DC where she had the surgery done that gave her relief.

Last week, Jerry and I took the trek to DC for opinions on what, if anything can be done for my left leg. There are three issues I want addressed ... the pain in my thigh from the damaged nerves, the limited range of motion in my ankle and my scared/deformed calf.

I had an appointment with Dr. Ducic - a reconstructive plastic surgeon that also specializes in chronic post-traumatic pain. I also wanted to see Dr. Attinger, the head of the reconstructive plastic surgery department. He was on call in the ER that day, but his nurse said she would have him called up if he was not tied up at the time I was there.

To make a long story short ... by four in the afternoon, I had seen not one, not two, but three specialists. Someone other than me was planning the day! The third doctor I saw was Dr. Sauer, an orthopedic surgeon that specializes in feet and ankles. After having him recommended by Dr. Ducic and Dr. Attinger as the orthopedic surgeon that could help bring more movement to my ankle, I walked into his office just as his nurse hung up the phone from a late afternoon cancellation :)

Dr. Sauer can do a surgery to stretch my Achilles tendons and loosen up my ankle joint that would give me more range of motion and make walking easier. The recovery from this surgery is a process that involves a cast for 6 weeks and no weight on my foot for that time ... so back on crutches :( and after that back to physical therapy.
Dr. Ducic feels as if most of my thigh pain is from one 'nerve branch'. He can perform a surgery that will deaden the nerve and that should take care of the pain, though I will have some numb areas on my thigh. Numbness beats pain anyday :)
Dr. Ducic and Dr. Attinger feel as if the risks are too high to do surgery to improve the look of my left calf. The leg and foot is very compromised from the lose of so much soft tissue (picture of leg ) that a surgery would put me in danger of infections and/or blood clots that could lead to the lose of the foot. After all I have been through, I don't want to risk that either, I can learn to live with the way it looks.

Both procedures, nerve and ankle, can be done at the same time during one visit to the operating room and would require a few nights spent in the hospital. Pray for me as I process/think/plan for all this.

The one thing God did for me through-out the day was remind me of the miracles that happened for me to be where I am today. All the doctors (and their assistants) were amazed due to the size of the injury that my foot did not have to be amputated at the time of the accident and how well it functions now. Their amazement brought me humbly and gratefully to God in thankfulness. He is a good God ... I need to focus on what I have, not on what I lost!

So I praise this wacky, unplanned life ...
-Martha going shopping that night in December
-Finding a doctor that specializes in lower leg injuries
-Seeing three doctors in one day
-Hope for freedom from pain

THANK YOU GOD!

Coming Home from Florida

I have a friend Bev, in Morgantown, that has a house in Florida near Orlando. They use the house mostly for her husband's workers that work in Florida during the winter. She goes down a few times a year and she coordinated her trip with mine this year. So along with spending time with my parents, I spent the weekend at her house ... it was a fun, relaxing time. Then she and her son Bennet, traveled home with us on Wednesday.
The flight home was interesting ... we were quite the entourage in the airport. My sister, Rosene has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair, Jonathan (age 12), Bev, Bennet (almost 2) and myself with my leg issues.
Even though we had more carry-on bags than we needed (how much is really needed for a 2 1/2 hour flight?) I still had to add a coffee from Starbucks to the mix. When leaving Philly, I only had to show my photo ID one time. The security officials at Tampa Airport are either more suspicious or more cautious because I had to show my ID to a million different officials at different checkpoints and each time I put it back into my wallet and then into my backpack purse and then put the purse back on my back, because I thought it would be the last time. So, yes each time they needed to see it I had to do the process all over again. While going through security we were taken in all different directions. Because you can't trust anyone, my poor sister Rosene in a wheelchair always gets a total 'pat-down' by an officer (female). Bev and Bennet were taken to another area because of his stroller. Meanwhile Jon and I put everything, except 'one layer of clothes on our backs' in the generic gray tubs and then on the other side of the metal detectors we reassembled everything ... put our sweatshirts back on, Jon takes his game boy and CD player, each in their own carrying case, I put my backpack purse on (for the zillionth time) Jon gets his backpack, I take the camera case, Jon takes the tote bag, I get Rosene's tote bag and of course, my cup of coffee. During the last time I had to show my ID, I set the coffee down and there was a connection between a toy and my cup, and that wonderful, slightly sweetened, with a shake or two of cinnamon, just-right cup of Starbucks coffee is now decorating the carpet at the Tampa airport :(

Announcement ... the plane is delayed ...
Thankfully for only 15 minutes.

Bev gets nauseated while flying and I was having pain, slightly more than normal, but after each of us had fueled up on our medications of choice, we have a fairly peaceful and uneventful flight home after the circus at the airport. I even successfully complete a few Sudoku puzzles ... don't ask me why, but that is a satisfying sense of accomplishment.

Thankfully when we arrive in Philly, there is an electrical cart in the corridor and the driver cheerfully takes us and our 'stuff' almost to baggage and after a short walk, we are there and see Jerry already collecting our bags. Thank you God!