Coming Home from Florida

I have a friend Bev, in Morgantown, that has a house in Florida near Orlando. They use the house mostly for her husband's workers that work in Florida during the winter. She goes down a few times a year and she coordinated her trip with mine this year. So along with spending time with my parents, I spent the weekend at her house ... it was a fun, relaxing time. Then she and her son Bennet, traveled home with us on Wednesday.
The flight home was interesting ... we were quite the entourage in the airport. My sister, Rosene has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair, Jonathan (age 12), Bev, Bennet (almost 2) and myself with my leg issues.
Even though we had more carry-on bags than we needed (how much is really needed for a 2 1/2 hour flight?) I still had to add a coffee from Starbucks to the mix. When leaving Philly, I only had to show my photo ID one time. The security officials at Tampa Airport are either more suspicious or more cautious because I had to show my ID to a million different officials at different checkpoints and each time I put it back into my wallet and then into my backpack purse and then put the purse back on my back, because I thought it would be the last time. So, yes each time they needed to see it I had to do the process all over again. While going through security we were taken in all different directions. Because you can't trust anyone, my poor sister Rosene in a wheelchair always gets a total 'pat-down' by an officer (female). Bev and Bennet were taken to another area because of his stroller. Meanwhile Jon and I put everything, except 'one layer of clothes on our backs' in the generic gray tubs and then on the other side of the metal detectors we reassembled everything ... put our sweatshirts back on, Jon takes his game boy and CD player, each in their own carrying case, I put my backpack purse on (for the zillionth time) Jon gets his backpack, I take the camera case, Jon takes the tote bag, I get Rosene's tote bag and of course, my cup of coffee. During the last time I had to show my ID, I set the coffee down and there was a connection between a toy and my cup, and that wonderful, slightly sweetened, with a shake or two of cinnamon, just-right cup of Starbucks coffee is now decorating the carpet at the Tampa airport :(

Announcement ... the plane is delayed ...
Thankfully for only 15 minutes.

Bev gets nauseated while flying and I was having pain, slightly more than normal, but after each of us had fueled up on our medications of choice, we have a fairly peaceful and uneventful flight home after the circus at the airport. I even successfully complete a few Sudoku puzzles ... don't ask me why, but that is a satisfying sense of accomplishment.

Thankfully when we arrive in Philly, there is an electrical cart in the corridor and the driver cheerfully takes us and our 'stuff' almost to baggage and after a short walk, we are there and see Jerry already collecting our bags. Thank you God!

Florida

I am enjoying some warmer weather right now. My parents go to Florida for a few months each winter. Last Saturday my sister, my son Jonathan and I flew down for twelve days. We have spent a few great days on the beach ... weather was sunny and near 80's. Now the last few days have been rainy and in the high 60's. Hopefully we will have a few more nice days before Wednesday when we fly home.
I just finished watching the movie 'The End of the Spear'. If you have a chance, to see it!! Great movie ... sad, but good.

Faith in the Unknown

I have been asking questions since the day I could talk ... and I like answers to everything. My thought used to be, if I just keep asking, searching, reading ... someone, somewhere should somehow be able to answer all my questions. Lately I have been hearing another message from a few different sources. It is refreshing and helping me find a balance.

First: Audrey is a spiritual Mother to me ... she told me after the accident that she will walk with me and help me process this part of my journey. She graciously listens, she introduces me to great authors and she shares her life experience (both positive and negative) with me. Recently she has been talking about the 'mysteries' of life ... she said that there will always be mysteries, things that we will not understand or questions that we will not have answered.
Second: Out of the mouth of babes ... my big, strapping, handsome, thoughtful son. He recently shared some of his thoughts at an event with other teens. He is tired of people that feel as if they have to have an answer for everything, especially in the things that are not of this world. He feels there are some things we, as puny humans, will not have answers to. He said that believers are especially quilty of this ... talking about their 'faith' all the time and yet, wanting and/or acting as if they have all the answers. He concluded with this ... if all the answers were known, we would not need faith.

Okay, the same message from both generations around me ... now if I will listen and learn from those older and those younger. And also learn to be comfortable with "I don't know."

Sometimes it is still hard to get my mind around the fact and the ways of God. In my spirit ... yes He is real. But sometimes, He's not real in my head. Go through a typical day and life is tangible. It is real ... I see, smell, hear, feel and taste many things all day.
But there is another world that is not so tangible and not so clear ... I don't connect with it in the physical ways that I do this world. Instead it is a connection with my spirit ... a feeling within ... a sense that there is more than this ... a belief in the things not seen, heard, felt, smelled and tasted with my physical body. That belief or faith is what allows me to see God all around me, to see His fingerprints on my life, even in the mysteries.

'Fingerprints of God'

I am doing a study for 8 weeks called 'Fingerprints of God' by Jennifer Rothschild. This week is focused on God creating us as His Masterpiece and on the fact that he sees us, hears us and wants us to recognize His touch in our lives.

When God created the natural world and the animals, He spoke it all into being ... He said "Let it be" and it was. When He was ready to create mankind, He took dust from the ground and 'formed' man and then He breathed into his nostrils the 'breath or spirit' of life. With His voice, He created everything, except us ... for us, His masterpiece ... He 'touched' us. How neat is that? To think that the mighty creator of the world formed mankind into being with His hands! And now, our lives still have His fingerprints on them, we just need to recognize and receive them.

And everyone I meet is created by God's touch ... everyone has some of the 'image of God' in them. Even if they are actively denying Him, that doesn't change the fact that they were created by His touch. I need to honor everyone as a person because they are His creation, even if they don't recognize Him at this time.
Obviously, I will not agree with or like everything about everyone, so I need to learn how to disagree and yet honor at the same time ... help me, Lord.

Dripping like a Faucet

Today my limitations and pain are discouraging me. Damp, dreary weather is one factor ... the pain in my leg is more acute during such weather, but there was something else I could not quite put my finger on. Then I received an email from a dear friend and she included the following from a book she is reading ...

"Chronic illness or pain is not dramatic and some may not see it as life-threatening. Yet the very chronicity itself is like the slow dripping of a faucet. It takes joy from life, no matter if others see it as a minor irritant.
... A great loss feels as if there is a shift, like an earthquake, and you feel yourself staggering because everything is off center. Life is the same, but devastatingly not the same. Shadows are longer, people are more distant, and you can't see the sun some days. It feels as if everything is foreign. You grieve, feel sorry for self, and feel very isolated. Chronic illness or pain requires great courage." ... 'Not One Bird Stopped Singing' by JoAnn Miller

That is it ... that is what I am tired of today ... the continual dripping of the faucet of pain and limitations. I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that my physical limits and looks of my leg are here to stay. There are a part of me today and they will be a part of me tomorrow.

Lord, help me accept it all ... I need your love and strength to muffle the 'dripping.'

How we spend our days

How we spend our days is - of course - how we spend our lives. Annie Dillard

I guess that is true ... it is a dreary, cloudy day and when I am 95 and look back over my life I will be happy to remember that I spent as many of the dreary days as I could reading/writing with a strong cup of coffee nearby. Then ending the day with some good, hearty soup for dinner. (anyone cooking?)

I am happy to now be in my recliner with a blanket doing just that, as I spent the first half of the day helping my seventeen year old son buy his first car. He is now an official, bona-fide car owner ... he is the only one on the title and the insurance. It is a ten year old car, but he is happy with it and it is all paid with cash that he has earned over the past few years. It is an odd feeling being his mother today ... it should make him feel all mature and grown up and it is, but it is also making me feel all mature and grown up. I didn't expect that.

There's a crack in everything ...

"There's a crack in everything and that's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen

I keep that quote handy in my mailbox. It gives me a sense of contentment and always makes me smile. And I feel proud of myself every time I read it. Proud--because I'm a little bit strange and I run with it.
There are a lot of little wacky, off-balance things in my personality, and sometimes I consider chasing them away. I get concerned that someone else might think they're a little too strange. But then Leonard Cohen's words remind me that, even though some people might consider them "cracks" in my personality, the cracks are how the light gets in. And in my case, that light makes me creative, and (I think) a pretty interesting person.
So, if you think you're different--if you worry about whether there are too many "cracks" in your behavior--don't change. That's how the"good stuff" gets in. - Suzanne Beecher

I recently came across this from Suzanne Beecher at www.dearreader.com/
I like the quote and what she has to say about it.

PS. www.dearreader.com/is a fun thing to join. Sign up for any of the 12 different email book clubs and every day she'll send you a 5-minute sample from a book. By the end of the week, you'll have read 2-3 chapters. If you like the book, you then pick up a copy to finish it. It lets you sample many different types of books. As a reader, I like it!

New Year

I have always liked New Years Day. It is a day to start fresh ... to begin again. I used to do a list of resolutions and goals, I don't do that anymore. It is more of a resolution in my spirit now ... a thirst and desire to understand more of the 'upside down' nature of this life God calls us to. He promises 'the first shall be last and the last shall be first.'
What does that mean?

A Good Season

A month ago, I was not looking forward to Christmas ... the whole scene looked overwhelming. I didn't have the energy to make it happen, the decorating, shopping, etc. I am now happy to say because of the love of God and the kindness of friends and my family, I am having a good season.
I just finished a 7-week class called 'Finding your Spiritual Identity' ... a fun and informative class with three other women that are seeking. It was taught by two bold women God has called to help others on a path of self-discovery of His plan for them. No religion, just a relationship. It helped put some of the puzzle pieces that were scrambled in my mind in place. It also helped me look at some of my expectations.
Then Jerry and the boys got, put up and decorated a tree. I can't do long shopping trips, and then friends started calling. They drop me off at the door, carry my packages and pick me up at the door again. So kind ...
I spent time pondering the 'reason for the season'. I had a wonderful talk with my quiet son. I saw a great movie. I attended a few lovely parties with wonderful people that blessed me. The beauty of peoples' creativity in decorating and cooking, conversations with others ... all those things together are adding up to a lovely season.

Not every moment is a good moment, but take a moment today and be aware of God's spirit in your life. He is there, He cares and He is waiting to be a part of your Holiday celebrations.

Tension and Balance

Due to the injury to my left calf in the accident I was in 18 months ago, I lost one of the two main tendons in my lower left leg. These tendons normally work in tension with each other and help stabilize our feet. One draws our foot inward and the other draws it outward. The one that pulls our foot outward is the one that was cut off by the injury I had. Because of this, there is no opposing balance for the tendon that pulls my foot inward. It has ‘free reign’ so to speak, and I have to be careful that I don’t overturn my ankle due to my foot pulling inward too far.

This lesson in tensions and balances has been brewing in my mind for some time. In all of life there is a correct balance to be found.

To name a few …
Parents … not involved enough -- smothering children with too much
Money … living for money -- not providing for self and family
Food ... not enough -- too much
Books ... never reading & learning -- only reading & learning (is that really bad?)
Friends … no friends -- life controlled by friends
Women … not valued, abused -- women declaring men no good

There are many areas of life where balance is needed, except chocolate and coffee :) The one that I am thinking about today is the last one … women, especially in the church of believers of God.
There have been rumbles for some time now about this subject. My concern is that in the quest to find out where/what/who God has created us to be, we swing the pendulum too far in the opposite direction. There is no male or female in the age to come, but for this time, in this age, on this earth, God has desired that it be so. That tells me that He wants the two of us genders to help balance each other, even if one is from Mars and the other is from Venus! He is an efficient, orderly God. There is a reason; there is a need for the correct tension to keep each one from pulling too far inward or too far outward. I am reminded of that with each step I take.