Trusting God ... even when in pain

Recently, I had corrective surgery on my foot to repair an injured tendon. Prior to surgery, I had two consultations with the surgeon, and I must have tuned out or been thinking about dinner during his conversations about recovery. So, on the day of surgery, I nonchalantly walked into the hospital under the impression that since the surgery was minor, the pain and recovery would be minor as well.
The surgery went as planned and I was waiting for my discharge papers 3 hours later. That is when I realized I had missed a few details. The nurse read the instructions as she handed me the papers … “fill the prescription for pain meds, don’t unwrap the dressing until you see the doctor again … and do you have crutches?”

“Wait a minute, are you sure those are my discharge papers? Because my post-op visit isn’t for 16 days … so what about showers? I don’t like meds and I don’t remember the doctor saying anything about crutches.”

“Yes dear, these are your papers … that dressing can’t get wet, so no showers. I think you will want to fill that prescription and use the crutches,” she gently responded.

As I transferred into the wheelchair for the ride to the car, I soon realized that any movement caused so much pain in my foot that it felt like a knife was cutting me. A suspicion started to grow … I think the doctor left the surgical knife in the incision!
When we got home, I had no choice but to use my crutches to go inside. (collecting medical supplies has been a hobby the past four years) I also asked my husband how fast he could get to the pharmacy and back again! The first night was so miserable that I was sure the surgery was a mistake. At times, I felt as if I needed to tear the dressing off and remove that painful knife!
Over the next few days, I did as little as I had to and I continually thanked God that my doctor had prescribed a strong painkiller. My suspicion about the knife continued to grow, especially as I slowly hobbled on my crutches. I could even picture it … about three inches in length and about an inch wide. From time to time, I had to look at my foot to reassure myself that there was no knife cutting through it.
After the first week, it finally felt better and I tentatively put some weight on my heel as the pain allowed me. By the time I went to my post-op visit; I was hobbling on my heel without the crutches.
Now as I walk with less pain and resistance, I am thankful that I couldn’t change my mind about the surgery in those first pain-filled days.

As I reflect back on those few weeks, I realize how often I do the same thing when I want to change a behavior, start a project or restore a strained relationship. I begin the process without properly preparing myself for all that is involved. The details bore me or I don’t think they apply to me. Then when things don’t happen as easily as I would like them to, I want to give up. I even give into suspicions about why things are harder then I anticipated. It has to be because of my circumstances or something others did or said. Lord knows, it would just be easier if she/he hadn’t put that ‘knife’ in there.
I need to accept the fact that change takes time and may involve pain. Only then can I embrace the process and stick to the choices that help me get the result I want. I’ve also been reminded to not give into suspicions that can easily derail a successful plan. If I had ripped open my dressing to take out the suspicious knife … the process would have taken much longer.
As I move through my days now … with a healed foot, I try to remember to not only embrace, but to prepare myself for the slow, sometimes painful, process that is needed to deal with certain issues in life and to trust God, even when in pain.

I want ...

The pain and sadness around me, makes me want to ask - what is the meaning of life? No wait ... I'm not ready to ponder that question today. I just want to deny all the hurt and pain. I want to put my head in the sand and stop thinking about how to help myself or others.

There are a few ways that I help myself through times like this ...
The first, I savor time in nature. I want to sit in the warm sun and relax. I want to smell a fragrant rose. I want to see and hear water. I want to take a walk in the woods and step on crunchy leaves. I want to wrap myself in a blanket and stare at the stars.
Or ... I want to read a good book ... any story that takes me away from the story I am in the middle of right now.
Or ... I want to do something concrete ... I like to organize facts and data in a graph. I want to plan the details of an event. I want to write out an agenda for an upcoming meeting. (don't know if we would follow it, but it gives me a feeling of control)

At one time if I would have chosen any of these three rather then dealing with the reality I am in the middle of, I would have felt guilty for avoiding reality, but now I realize 'there is a season for everything' and if I give my mind/soul/spirit the rest I need for a time, I will be able to process in a healthier mode later.
That reminds me of this wonderful prayer ...

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

-Reinhold Niebuhr

... okay, since it's dark and cold outside and I don't have any good books right now, it's time to organize an event :)

New Years

I love New Years! It represents a new start … that to me is hope. Some things in life can’t be started over, so getting a new year every 365 days is a great gift! I like the ‘clean’ feeling that I have as I look at a whole year spread out before me.
I talk to God about the year. Even though, I know that it will look different then I could ever imagine it will ... I reflect, I make lists, I plan and I dream with my husband and/or friends.

It is a great day to be alive!

Best Friends

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,

and then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,

God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say, "Let's cry together,"another, "Let's fight together,"

another, "Let's walk away together."

One friend will meet your spiritual need,

another your shoe fetish,

another your love for movies,

another will be with you in your season of confusion,

another will be your clarifier,

another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,

on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day,

or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,

or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ...

those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
but for many, it's wrapped up in several.

one from 7th grade,

one from high school,

several from the college years,

a couple from old jobs,

on some days your mother,

on some days your neighbor,

on others, your sisters,

and on some days, your daughters.

So whether they've been your friend for 20 minutes or 20 years,

Thank God for the women in your life that have made a difference.

Chistians

Christians

by Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"

I'm whispering "I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain.

I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Mother Nature

Writing

"Of all those arts in which the wise excel, nature's chief masterpiece is writing well."

iHope

iHope is …
one woman telling her story
in a setting of creative beauty
with ongoing connections with other
women that are walking on a similar path.

“Guide me in your truth and teach me, God … my hope is in you all day long.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, October 23rd at 7pm

The Gathering Place at Hopewell in Elverson, PA

Patti Kallal will be sharing …
“Finding God as my Father”
Hear Patti's story about growing up in a ‘fatherless’ home
and her journey to knowing and loving God as her father.

Music - Refreshments - Art

_________________________________________________________

This is an event happening at my church, that I'm involved with. Hope is essential to continue moving forward in life. I believe beauty, whether in the form of art, music or words can give hope to most anyone. Plus, our stories have so much to teach us ... both for the person sharing and the audience. Our goal is give hope by giving women an opportunity to share their story in a setting of beauty.

Changes

Life seems to be about change every day.

Some days I can go with the flow and allow the changes to be absorbed into my plans and most of the time, I look back and I like what I see. Yet, other times I look around and see the changes that happen, and I wonder ... what is going on here, what was I thinking, was I sleeping when that happened?

Other days I resist the changes and insist on the original plan to go right on track ... which can cause frustration or can cause me to appear stubborn. Yet, if 'I know that I know' the change shouldn't happen, how can I go along with it? I look back at those days with mixed reviews also ... sometimes it was good that I stood my ground, other times I realize my reasons for not changing weren't justified and I was just being stubborn.

So ... where is the balance?

I can't just lay down and allow all changes to happen ... I need to be aware and process my choices before I decide to go with them or not. Since I believe in the one and only God ... taking time to talk to him needs to be a part of my process ... after all He is the source of wisdom.

As I wrote that I realize that someone else struggled with the same problem a few decades ago and he penned a excellent prayer for his dilemma ...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things

I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr

"I Should"

Being organized is not a skill I was born with and it was not part of my environment while I was growing up. But over the years, I have wanted to be organized, efficient and on-time.
A few years ago, it hit me that if I do whatever it is that needs doing as soon as I think or hear myself say, "I should ...." then I get more done. I have also (gently) told my husband the same when he is procrastinating.
Today I read the quote below in a motivational email ... guess I was onto something.

"One of the best places to start to turn your life around is by doing whatever appears on your mental ‘I should’ list." -- Jim Rohn