Sit Still ...

Sit Still ...
But there are other blessings that will be ours only if we stop chasing after them and let them come to us, like the butterfly that eludes our grasp when we try to catch it, but comes to perch on our shoulder when we stop chasing it and sit still.

- Harold Kushner

I have been sitting in the physical sense for almost 6 weeks with this cast and I have it until June 5th. But my mind was not sitting still. The first two weeks were not too bad, but then everything got to me ... the cast, pain, limitations, future, boys, husband and

the options I don't have right now.

- taken on vacation Aug. '05

I am now trying to be content with sitting still and am hoping to catch some butterflies :) Yes, the next two weeks will be long, but I know they will not be forever. During this time I want to catch 'butterflies' of truth, of compassion for others, of love and a deeper connection with God.

Obviously with crutches, I do get up and around some, more now than at first as my hands and arms have gotten stronger. But due to the wound on my left calf, if I don't have my leg propped up, it swells. And that is the leg in the cast, so it gets no walking motion when I am up, it just hangs there in the cast, making it swell rather quickly. So I can't walk as much as I would like to. I am normally not much of a movie person, but that is changing ... I love movies now. I reserve what I want online from my library and Josh picks them up for me. Any suggestions?

Josh

My boys are home-schooled, so when it comes to proms and graduation, things are done slightly different. We have been a part of the 'Community Homeschoolers' for years. It is a group of about 100 students from 1st to 12th grade that meets every Wednesday. Classes are offered for all grades, with the high school program offering at least a dozen choices. It is a program that has really 'rounded out' my boys education and they have loved it. They have wonderful friends there and Josh is sad to be leaving the group. Josh is a senior and he has had a big week. On Friday evening the high school had its version of a prom ... a Formal Dinner at Doneckers.

The good looking group!

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Then on Monday evening the Community Homeschoolers had a graduation ceremony for the seniors. With only eight seniors, each had a few moments to do whatever they chose to. Josh loves to and wants to pursue producing movies, so he made a short film about leaving high school and all the good memories he has from it. He wanted it to be surprise for everyone, so I had not seen it before. It was very well-done and everyone loved it ... onto the big screen, Josh!

Proud parents of a Graduate

(one down, two more to go!)

Each senior did a display about themselves, Josh chose some favorite memories of childhood, along with his two prized possessions right now ... a camera and a laptop.

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Josh is planning on living at home and attending Reading Community College in the fall. Then next year he is looking at attending Calvin College in Michigan. He and his good friend, Zach, are on their way out there today. (hope they don't get lost) Zach's older brother is attending there now and they are going out to bring him home for the summer. Plus it gives Josh a weekend to spend on the campus and see if he wants to pursue attending there.

Two Books

I just finished reading two books about overcoming difficult physical issues ...

1. 'Trading Ashes for Roses' by Connie Pombo. (Our church is looking into having her as the speaker at our ladies retreat this fall)
2. 'A Gift of Mourning Glories' by Georgia Shaffer.

Both are about their journeys through cancer and a celebration of life beyond cancer. I don't have cancer, but their struggles with a physical issue and the changes it brought into their lives I can identify with.

Though the encouragement I received from both books is not all new stuff, it is very timely ...

• see the good in each day, despite the pain
• give myself space to figure out the constantly-changing 'new me'
• breathe deeply instead of reacting
• forgive myself when I don't cope the way I think I should
• stay connected to God
• forgive others
• hope to look beyond my current circumstances

Tired of ...

I realized recently what I do with my blog. I post on the days when 'life is good' or I have an update on my physical issues. On the days when I am struggling with something, I just avoid writing here or I post quotes from others. Is that called focusing on the positive, avoiding real issues or wanting to put a 'good face' on?

I have had a few tough days ... I'm

• tired of the cast,
• tired of the restrictions it imposes on me,
• tired of having my physical body dictate my life and scared that it always will.

Two years ago I was running on the beach in CA, today I am sitting in a recliner in PA.

• tired of "being thankful that I am alive and that I have my leg"
• I want my old body back.

Though I know it is true ... I question the 'God is in control' thing and 'Everything will work out for good'. It is not feeling like that today. Not just with myself, but everyone has struggles ... this life is hard and I am tired of struggles.

Live With Intention

I came across a verse similar to this today, and then I changed it slightly to add some of my own values to it.

Live With Intention

Walk to the edge.

Listen hard

Listen within

Laugh.

Practice wellness.

Play with abandon.

Continue to learn.

Appreciate your friends.

Choose with no regret.

Do what you love.

Live as if this is all there is ...

Living in the moment - planning for eternity

- Original verse written by

www.maryanneradmacher.com

Between God and you

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.

Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.

Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.

Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.

Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

-There are a few different versions of this piece and this version is credited to Mother Teresa

Joseph

My fifteen year old son Joseph has been in a Debate Club for the past three years. The club he participates in is in a national highschool, homeschool league and parental involvement is a big part of it. He loves the challenge of articulating his viewpoint and presenting it well in a timed speech. I had tried to talk him out of joining in the fall because of the time commitment for both him and me. I wasn't sure I was into going to the club meetings and the tournament. I didn't mind doing it if I knew he was really committed to it and would put all the work into it that is needed in order to compete well. He assured me he really wanted to do it, so I relented and every Monday evening since October he has had debate club meetings. I attended about half of them. Then starting in February, there have been six tournaments lasting three days each spread out from Tennessee to New Hampshire. Again, I only attended about half of them. At one of those tournaments, he qualified for the regional tournament. Good job, Joey! I didn't think I would go to any tournaments after I am on crutches, but the regional was this week and I really wanted to be there for Joseph. So another parent and I did the two hour drive on Tuesday morning. (her driving, of course)

Well, Joseph kept his word of doing what he needs to compete well, because his debate partner and him qualified for the national tournament in Washington DC the first week of June!

Way to go, Joe!

Brandon and Joseph

Checkup at Georgetown

I went to Georgetown today to see my doctor for a checkup.

It was a good/bad day.

Here's the explanation of good/bad ...

Good ... when he took my cast off and I was able to move my foot for the first time since the surgery 2 1/2 weeks ago, I was amazed how much easier it moved then before the surgery. There was no restriction of motion ... it moved fully and freely, just like the other ankle with nothing stopping it.
Bad ... it moved fully and freely, feeling very loose. While it is not too loose, it is loose and the tendon does need a lot more time to heal. I now have a regular cast that I will have for the next five weeks.
Good ... I get a walking cast at my next visit on June 5th.
Bad ... no weight allowed on my foot for five weeks and I can't start physical therapy until after June 5th.

I do feel hopeful since seeing and feeling my foot move ... I have hope that after the tendon is healed and I have done physical therapy, I will be able to walk with much less restriction and pain. Praise God!

As for the nerves ... Dr. Ducic had worked on a sensitive nerve on the back of my left calf. It was not a nerve that gave me constant pain, but it was super sensitive when touched or bumped. Due to the cast since surgery, I didn't know if that had helped. Today with the cast off, I was amazed how 'normal' the area felt ... no more pain when touched. Praise God!
As for the surgery to decompress the nerve in my upper left leg, I have pain since surgery, but a different pain (prior to this accident, I had no idea there were so many different types of pain!) Before surgery I had a constant burning pain, now my thigh feels more like it is bruised. He said that sounds like it should at this time and it should continue to get better with time.

So, here's what I need ... prayer for contentment as I 'wait' on the Lord for healing and for ... whatever He has for me to learn during this time.

Captivated by the Beach

We are all captivated by the beach because …

Each of the elements of the ocean is part of the character of God

The wind of the beach will gently push you onward,
As you hear gentle whispers in your ear that inspire you.

The warmth of the sun saturates you,
And fills every nook and cranny of your being.

The waves remind us of our ever changing lives,
By rising and falling gently with each one,
We are strengthen instead of crushed.

The grains of sand remind us, that alone we are small,
But combined with others, the options are endless …
- A place for young and old to play
- A soft resting place for the weary
- Some comfort for tired feet
- A barrier from storms

Combine the sounds of it all into one …
And it can turn most any restless heart,
Into a contented and peaceful state of being,
As it soothes, comforts and inspires.
And makes the impossible, possible.

- Janet Oberholtzer 4/06

God reveals His Thoughts

We are created to exist in the time and place that we are. Along with creating us to be here - now God provides a way for us. I also discovered this morning that according to Amos of old, "God reveals His thoughts to us." How cool is that?

It is a connection issue ... I need to be listening in order to hear God's thoughts. It is somewhat like the old riddle - if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there, does it make a sound? If God reveals His thoughts and I'm not listening, will I know the way? "Be still and know that I am God."