Thursday, January 29, 2009

Ready to quit ...

I ran outside on Sunday afternoon with two friends - it was cold, and we ran longer and further than I've done before, ran 4 minutes, walked 1 minute - 6 times. Everything hurt, but the accomplished feeling at the end was good! Then Monday night I ran with the club - again, outside in the cold. Both times the nerves in my legs were complaining about being cold - but I tried to ignore the contracting and burning pain. Tuesday I had planned would be my rest day this week - and I was glad - because everything hurt!
Wednesday morning, I felt better, but my legs were still complaining. Yet I wanted to do the next workout on my schedule. It was run 5 minutes, walk 1 minute - repeat 5 times. I hit the treadmill in the afternoon after spending the morning writing. Two minutes into the run, every nerve and muscle in my legs was trying to boycott my plans. I tried ignoring the pain and pushing on - but I soon realized I wasn't going to be able to go on and I needed to changes plans. So I shorten the running time to 4 minutes and only ran 4 times. I was discouraged and annoyed - why couldn't this body stick to the schedule I had - after all it was a beginner's schedule! What did I need - a baby schedule?
But as the evening progressed, I was glad I had quit when I did - I was in so much pain. Jerry noticed my slow movements and grimacing face as I did some organizing around the house. He promptly asked if I'm pushing it too much. "No," I replied, "I'm just trying to do the beginner's schedule." Slightly annoyed at my reasoning, he reminded me that my body probably couldn't keep up with a standard beginner's schedule. I had unique challenges that I needed to take into consideration.
Listening to him, I knew he was right and that some part of my brain was still living in the 'good, old days' pre-accident. This body has been through so much - a dozen fractures, crushed pelvis, a zillion wounds - and I was trying to make it keep to a schedule designed for a body without those challenges.

Then this morning, I was editing/rewriting some things I had written earlier about the potential scare of losing my leg 7 weeks after the accident. After flying home from CA, I went to a doctor in Reading and he didn't think my leg would heal, he was fairly sure it would still need to be amputated. Reading that made me realize again how much I have to be thankful for and that I want to celebrate the walking and running I can do, not complain about what I can't do.

So the sun was bright this afternoon, with temps near 30 so I bundled up and headed outdoors. I feel closest to God when I am outdoors, so I wanted to do whatever workout I could outside rather than on the treadmill today. I went with the mindset that I will do what I can, the best I can - but I will listen to my body with reason. I felt pretty good during my 5 minute warmup walk and I was thinking - cool, I can run 5 minutes at a time. Well, 2 or 3 minutes into the first run, that thinking changed - the fatigued/painful feeling of my legs forced me to reconsider. I decided to run 4 minutes, walk 1 minute. I did that around a local loop that is almost 2 1/2 miles.
It was a doable run - not easy, but also not torture. I am feeling okay now (an hour after the run) but I'm hurting, so I want to do some gentle stretching now and then hit the hot tub, while thanking God for the walking and running I could do today!

1 comment:

Annie said...

I still remember the eternal voice and what it said when we didn't know if you would live through the next 24 hours.(sob) "She shall run and not grow weary; she will walk and not faint." I held onto that hope in the midst of my doubt and today, I believe it will come true with all the fullness in which He spoke it. It will be deeper and higher than we can imagine. I'm rooting for you, Janet. Annie