Planting Trees - Self Control

Self-Control ... I've been thinking about it the past few days since it was the topic of the Blog Carnival this week. You'd think since I'm thinking about self-control, I would self-control myself to get a blog post written. But no, I only thought about self control, but didn't actually practice it.

Now it's 10AM on Blog Carnival Day and I'm writing. Getting blog posts written has been a challenge for me recently. I'm writing the last few chapters of my memoir (yes!) and I can't seem to pull myself out of that to update here. Which I'm okay with because I know it's just for a season and yet I miss the connection with this world. 
(waving to you like a long-lost friend)  

Self-control makes me think about all the things I want to do, but have a hard time getting done. And I came up with this definition: 

Self-Control ... it's what separates the accomplished from the unaccomplished.

That's it - there's no magic formula, no secret key, no power drink. Self-control is doing the same thing constantly over a period of time that causes you to accomplish something you desire ... whether that's growing beautiful flowers, eating healthy, running a marathon, having an organized office or writing a book. 

According to Jonah Lehrer self-control is a muscle that responds to exercise or lack thereof. So if you want self-control to accomplish big things, start with the small things. For an organized office - pick up one thing in your office every day and put it away. Every. Day. If you are lying in bed and remember you forget that day, get up and go do it. Don't justify it by saying you'll put away two things tomorrow ... because then your self-control muscle was not be exercised that day. 

The best day to plant a tree was 25 years ago - the second best day is today. - Chinese Proverb

Beautiful tree near a friend's house

What tree do you need to begin to plant today to have the strength, fruit and beauty you want in the future? 

This post is part of a blog carnival hosted by Bridget Chumbly. Go to One Word at A Time to read more posts about Self-Control.

Faithful - to What?

Confused by rules and religion, but sensing there's a creator of the world and of her - she makes a commitment to seek the ways of the creator, more than the ways of others. The place, time and desire of that commitment stays clear in her mind. 

Time moves on - big and little life events happen. She continues seeking. She revisits her commitment and the meaning of it. Some days there's clarity and peace - other times there's confusion. There's many late-night discussions. 

What was that commitment made to ... a creator, a way, a group, a place, a religion, a party, a lifestyle, a belief? 

Certain words and 'truths' about them are everywhere ... post/pre - allowed/caused - Bible/science - blue/red - control/free will - hate/love - answers/mysteries - men/women - equal/unequal.

Other words get slapped with a right or wrong way ... church, fast, pray, small group, worship, read your Bible in KJV or NIV ... or wait should it be the ASV or the HCSB? 

Her mind is cluttered with thoughts embraced, discarded and then some embraced again. At times, the more answers she seeks, the more confusing the creator seems. 

Time to breathe deep and revisit the commitment ... the commitment was to seek her creator - that hasn't changed. That is not clutter. That is inviting. She can be faithful to that commitment. 

If you've made a spiritual/religious commitment  - what did you commit to and why?


This post is part of a Blog Carnival hosted by One Word at A Time.

Goodness

In The Message, Eugene Peterson gives us a fresh translation of what is often called the 'fruit of the spirit.' 


But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard - things like affection for others (love) exuberance about life (joy) serenity (peace). We develop a willingness to stick with things (patience) a sense of compassion in the heart (kindness) and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people (goodness) We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments (faith) not needing to force our way in life (gentleness) able to marshal and direct our energies wisely (self-control). Gal 5:22-23


The description for goodness surprised me. I thought it would focus on me being good (and Lord knows, what's good can be confusing because we all define good differently.) 


But it says goodness is a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people - hmm, interesting. Goodness isn't about me, its about how I view others - imagine that!


And it says there's a holiness in people and things - too many times in the Christian world we hear how sinful/wicked everyone and everything is. Maybe we should we balance our viewpoint by looking at the other side.


We were created in the image of our creator and we were called good! And that description didn't come from any run-of-the-mill reviewer or pundit - it came from the best! Also, everything that was created was called good. 


So if I live God's way, he will give me this goodness - this conviction that will help me see holiness in things (whether nature, time or food) and people. I like that - my creator will help me see everyone (yes, even that person) as someone that has holiness in them and deserves to be treated with love.


How would my life look if I understood this? The author of Galatians gives me some more help ... 
Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better or another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original! Gal 5:25-26


Each of us in an original - what a sweet idea! So I don't have to compare or decide who's this and who's that, but instead I can look for holiness everywhere!


That is a goal that excites me ... what about you? 


To read more posts on Goodness - go to the party at the blog carnival at One Word at a Time.

Are You Being Kind to Yourself?

Thoughts are the threads that bind us to deeds. 

Deeds are the ropes that bind us to habits. 

Habits are the chains that bind us to destiny.
- inscription carved on the West Wall at the palace in Maygassa

It's now about 8 weeks since New Years - have you been able to change the habits you wanted to?

Some habits are good. Some habits are not good. Resolutions are generally about changing bad habits so your destiny changes. You want to be - healthy instead of unhealthy, organized instead of unorganized, unselfish instead of selfish and so on.

Reread the quote above. Be kind to yourself by seriously thinking about it. Yes, being kind to yourself is a good thing! Didn't Jesus basically say, "If you want to be kind to others, you must first be kind to yourself?"

Read the quote starting at the third line and work backwards. 

Chains - ropes - threads = opportunity for new habits

Habits - certain deeds - particular thoughts = change.

New thoughts, followed by deeds will change your destiny. So to do that - what thoughts/threads do you have to eliminate and/or change? I need to eat chocolate. I'll clean that up later. I don't have time to go for a walk. I should ...

And what thoughts/threads do you need to add? I could eat an apple. I will put this away now. I can park at the end of the parking lot. I will ...

Change a thought every hour and step by step your habits will change. Yes, it will take consistency and time, but it can happen!

Will you be kind to yourself today? What is one thought that you could change to change your destiny? 

This post is part of the blog carnival on Kindness hosted by Bridget Crumbly at One Word at a Time.

Patience = Serenity

Patience - it's something we all need. 

If we don't have patience - we add immeasurable stress to our lives and the lives of others around us. 

Sometimes we don't even realize the lack of patience we have with certain people or in certain situations. We act or react the way we always do without even pausing to wonder if we our lack of patience could be making the situation worse. 

Other times we're aware and we say things like, "I should have more patience with him/her/it, but ...

And then we justify why we don't have patience. We justify why we complain, yell, grumble or walk away.

Patience is not a rare diamond. We can have it - seriously we can. It is available to all of us. It's a choice we make multiple times a day.

Can you teach yourself patience? Is patience like a muscle - can it be strengthen with regular use?

Yes and Yes ... because:

"Patience is not passive; on the contrary, 

it is active; it is concentrated strength."  

- Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

On a day when you have time, select the longest checkout line. While patiently waiting, have a pleasant conversation with someone around you. 

Or train your patience muscle by walking behind or beside your child at his/her pace instead of in front of them.

How's this for great news - God's spirit will give us patience.

The words in the NIV Bible are familiar, "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

It's a pleasant surprise to see the wording in "The Message."

But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. 

 ~ Paul in a letter to the Galatians

Patience is translated as serenity. Haven't we all longed for more serenity in our lives? Between training ourselves and asking God - the choice is ours!

This post is part of the Blog Carnival on Patience - hosted by Bridget Chumbley.

Go to One Word at a Time to read more posts about patience.

Suddenly ...

Suddenly ...

My day and my world changes.

What I planned to do changes because of what I must do.

Reading a text from my son's friend changes the day and more.

Suddenly ...

The run I expected to go on doesn't happen.

I pick up my husband, instead of changing into running clothes.

Instead of running, I'm driving to a hospital - praying.

Suddenly ...

I find myself panicking at what all could be wrong.

The message from his snowboarding buddy replays in my mind.

Joe landed hard on his right side - couldn't breathe at first.

Suddenly ...

I recall him saying that Joe walked over to the first aid building.

And I breathe easier thinking of cracked ribs and bruises.

Instead of him being paralyzed or worse.

Suddenly ...

The chaplain takes us to a small room.

The doctor enters the room with a concerned face.

With words that sound odd to me, "Your son is a very sick boy."

Suddenly ...

I realize this will not be as good as I've convinced myself it will.

I hear words from the doctor - bleeding, kidney, life-threatening!

I scream quietly to God for help - give me strength and peace!

Suddenly ...

I feel a measure of peace - it comes from deep within.

I breathe deep a few times - oxygen is good for me.

I wipe tears away and force myself to hear the ugly words.

Suddenly ...

I am calm again. I can talk. "What can you do to help Joe?"

Surgery, cat scan, blood transfusions - the words continue.

"We'll save the kidney if we can. But if bleeding persists, we'll have to remove it."

Suddenly ...

The doctor leaves. I'm glad. I heard all the words I can handle.

Plus I want him to be with Joe. Joe needs him.

And Joe needs a mom with enough peace that she can pray - for him and for the doctors.

Suddenly ...

I feel that peace - the peace I recognize that is not my own.

It's not something I can manufacture or motivate myself.

It's peace from my creator - the maker and giver of peace, even when I'm terrified.

As I pray I realize the "peace that passes understanding" is strong enough to hold me this moment even though I don't know what the outcome of this "suddenly" in our world will be.

This post is part of the Blog Carnival - Peace - hosted by Bridget Chumbley over at One Word at a Time.

 

PSS. New readers - my son Joe was injured on Sat. Jan. 16, 2010. He is at home now recovering from having his right kidney removed because it was split in half from the impact. He is expected to make a full recovery. I posted updates about his injury and hospital stay, starting here. Here's a recap post.

Blog Carnival = Serving Love

The soup has been simmering since noon. I've tasted it at least a dozen times - its hard to judge how much seasoning is needed for this large amount. The night is cold - temps hover around freezing. Jerry drives as I figure out the GPS on my new phone. We arrive at North 6th Street, the address of the Hope Rescue Mission, in an area of our local city I've not seen before. I realize I'm nervous as we walk across the parking lot.

 Chicken Corn Noodle Soup

(someone else made a large kettle of Creamy Potato Soup)

We join about fifteen friends carrying food into the building. The doors are graciously held open for us by men waiting for dinner. We exchange greetings and I relax. I remind myself about the saying in my earlier post about homelessness. I don't need to be scared - they are simply people without a home. 

Carol, a friend with an amazing voice and sweet guitar skills, leads the group (the men and us) as we sing a few carols. The familiar songs bring tears to the eyes of some of the men. I think of the story each of them must have - the story of why they are there waiting for a meal. Suddenly, I wish I had a few hours to hear their stories. 

But I feel awkward striking up a conversation. I'm not sure how to do that. I'm a task person, so I head to the food counter. A task is something I can handle. The soup is hot, the sandwiches are tasty and the thank yous are plenty as our group works together to serve dinner.

 

Sloppy Joe Sandwiches

Its busy as we serve, plus I'm cautious about taking pictures, so I only have these two photos - but I have memories of smiles and compliments. The men are kind, thankful and gracious. We greet and acknowledge each one. I see some hope (one man is excited about a new job he started that day) but I realize I see more sadness, stress, disappointment and confusion. 

While serving, my friend Greta says something to a few of us about what we will serve  the "next time." A few raise eyebrows, "Next time?" Greta says, "Yes, we are doing this at least once a quarter." Everyone promptly agrees.

On the ride home, Jerry tells me about Sam, a gentleman from Georgia he ate dinner with. Jerry is quiet and reserved - and he'd been cautious about going, so I hadn't expected him to connect with anyone. But he did, he enjoyed it and he's thinking of ways he can help Sam after hearing some of his story. 

I begin to beat myself up. Why didn't I try to connect more? Why did I focus on the task of serving more than on connecting? 

Later I read a Facebook comment an online friend wrote after I posted the soup picture, "that's a lot of love." 

And I realize that it is. Yes it is! Love in the form of food. 

I tend to want to save the world and if I can't do it all at once, why bother trying? The words of Jesus come to mind, "I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat." So I stop beating myself up. Instead I use my energy to pray for the men and for John, the director of the mission and for our next time there. 

I'm grateful we went and that we added one drop to the ocean of love on a cold December night. I'm really thankful that we plan to go again. We'll serve more food and more love.   

Warm, tasty, fulfilling love.   

There's a love blog carnival happening today. To read more posts about love - go to One Word at A Time by Bridget Chumbley.

Church - Why?

It's Carnival time again! Today the word is church and its hosted at One Word at A Time by Bridget Chumbley.

I like the thoughts about church (believers coming together) that Jesus talks about and that are in the scriptures. If we believe, we are a part of the church of Jesus. And we meet together and do life together. Yes, I like that.

But too often when I look at church - communities of believers - I don't see what I think a church should look like. I am embarrassed as some of the things I see. I am disappointed when I read what some churches have done - the pain, destruction and hurt they have caused. I'm frustrated with the tension of church and money. I look at some churches and say, "Really?!"

And I wonder why ...

Why bother?

Why be involved?

Then I also look at the good churches have done - throughout the centuries and today. I think about the many hospitals/schools/etc in this country and throughout the world that were started by communities of believers.

Personally, my family has been helped many times by the local church we've been involved with for 20+ years. They've brought us more meals then I can count ... at the birth of each of my three boys, when my husband was injured and out of work for 3 months, when my husband was injured again and when I was injured (Now I understand why they asked us to stay indoors:)

So church ... with its good and bad - is it worth it?

No One Died - So Why Grieve?

Grief - a word I used to associate with death. In my mind, grief had one place - following the loss of a loved one. Over the past few years, I learned grief is needed in other areas of life also.

A nasty accident - life-threatening injuries - severe lifestyle changes ... words I wake up to after ten days in a coma. Darn - now what?

Asking God for help every step of the way (literally) I tackle the tough physical recovery with my solid Pennsylvania Dutch work habits and the endurance of the runner I was pre-accident.  

Step by painful step, I recover better than expected.

I’m happy for the miracles, but sad about the effects. I don’t know what to do with my emotions. They refuse to obey my life-long habit of stuffing them anymore - instead they surface in depression and anger.


A saint from church, Audrey offers to mentor me after seeing the emotional mess I've become. I’m not sure what mentor means, but I’m starving for some answers so I agree.

Peaceful garden - tea - cookies ... Audrey knows how to put a person at ease. When the tea is finished, we move to the living room and I wonder if a lecture on how to handle a crisis will now begin.

Instead Audrey showers me with love and understanding, “Janet, I’m so sorry about the rough year you’ve had. Praise God, your body is recovering. We’re not just physical beings - how’s your mind and spirit doing?”

I mumble as I try to explain my confused state of mind. Week after week, she is a good listener and only asks enough questions to help me spill more of my jumbled thoughts.

Miracles - sadness - limitations - guilt ... I talk about my conflicting emotions. “I'm Miracle Woman, but I’m complaining. I should be shouting Hallelujah, not feeling sad.”

“Yes miracles happened,” She says, “But sadness is okay, you need to grieve.”

“Grieve?” I ask. “No one died in our accident, what am I grieving for?”

“Yourself - Janet,” she pats my hand, “You need to grieve the part of you that you lost.”

She gives me a minute as I try to understand what she said. “Grieve for myself?” Just repeating it makes me feel selfish. "The loss of a loved one deserves grief - I’m alive, not dead."

“You lost the active part of yourself. You lost the way your body looked. You lost some dreams for the future,” Audrey explains. “These losses are major. I don’t think ignoring them works.”

“But, but ...  grief sounds too severe.” I try to comprehend this new thought.

“Any loss, no matter what size needs to be grieved,” Audrey says. “And disappointments, especially major disappointments like you live with have to be acknowledged and grieved. Do you think ignoring those feelings is working?”

Okay she has a point - even I, the mess, can see I’m a mess!

“Talk to God about your sadness. Maybe even write down your feelings of loss,” Audrey encourages. “By doing that, you’ll understand them better.

When faced with something new, I need information, so I find articles and books about grief. I laugh and cry as I realize my struggle is normal. I’m not losing my mind! I’m okay - or going to be okay after I work through my grief.

Grieving is random - following a textbook style for a time and then suddenly I’m all over the place again and nothing makes sense. But step by step, acknowledging the grief allows God's spirit to bring healing and recovery happens. At first, I don't even recognize the speck of light I feel, but then I realize it's a glimmer of hope.

Through grieving my losses, I learn to live in the tension of celebrating the miracles that happened while being real about the disappointments I live with.

How's your mind and spirit doing - with losses you've had in life? 


PS. Because I live with ongoing limitations/pain, I still deal with grief sporadically, but this severe time of grief happened in 2006.

This is part of a blog carnival hosted by Peter Pollock at Rediscovering the Church. This week’s carnival is on the theme of Grief. Anyone is welcome to join the carnival. Go to Peter's site to read more blog entries and/or to join.

Community - Blog Carnival

It's Carnival time again and this week the word is Community.  I love this topic and there was at least ten different directions I've thought of going in with my post - it was hard to settle on one.

On Sunday, we had an exceptionally nice fall day - sunny with temps in the low 70's. Thankfully the planets in my world aligned and I had time to myself from noon to 6PM. My oldest son attends West Chester University and I was meeting him for dinner, so I headed to Brandywine Creek State Park in Wilmington, DE a few miles from West Chester.

This was a new park for me to explore on my bike. I like trees and water, so I was happy to see the bike trail surrounded by trees, the path covered in leaves and the Brandywine Creek flowing swiftly beside it. The majority of the leaves had fallen off the trees already, but a few striking ones remained.  

As I saw leaves all around me and rode over others already on the ground, I was struck by something. This community of leaves had many things in common, but they also had differences. Obviously they were a variety of sizes, shapes and colors. Along with that, what struck me was how they lived the stages of their lives at different paces in different ways - much like people.

Some things were the same - none of the trees were budding or growing new leaves this fall, that happens in the spring, just like people all start life as a baby and grow to be old (except in movies) But the stages of turning color and letting go of the branches varied and that is why there was so much beauty surrounding me - because of the

diversity in this community.

Thank you God, I whispered as I biked. Thank you for the lesson about appreciating and celebrating diversity in whatever community of people I'm involved with - whether that community is a team, family, friends, church or others. 

Have you found that diversity can bring beauty in a community you are involved with? If so, how?

Remembering - Blog Carnival

Remembering ...

And missing being.

A few years ago, I spent hours outside in silence and stillness.

I remember feeling like I could
reach out and touch the creator of it all. 

I remember listening to my breath and being in awe of it ...

Realizing how close I came to not having it.

I remember being in awe of life.

                                               Fall in southeast PA

 

I miss that feeling.

I've been busy - its been good,
but I haven't taken the time to be recently.

I don't want to live on memories.

I want to experience my creator, savior and sustainer today.

So enough of remembering ... time to live this day by being! 

Because today is what I have - not the past and not the future.

Remembering is good...
And so is being fully alive in the present moment!

Blog Carnival – One word at a time: “Remember”

My Sister Rosene - Trusting

If you found your way here while strolling through the carnival, 

Welcome - glad to have you!

Today I'm joining a Blog Carnival for the first time. A blog carnival is when a group of bloggers all write about the same word - today its trust. One blogger is the host for the day and there are links to everyone that has participated on that blog. Today's host is Bridget Chumbley - after you read my post, you can go to her blog to read more posts about trust. 

Trusting - even when we don't like our current situation and we don't know what the future holds. That was what my sister Rosene did. She trusted that God would help her everyday and she trusted that after she died - she'd not only be walking, but be dancing! 

Trust was hard for her at times. Born with Cerebral Palsy, she had more questions than answers over the years. Why did she have all the limitations she did? Why couldn't she walk out to a car and easily open the door and sit down? Why couldn't she pick up a piece of pizza and steadily put it in her mouth as she saw all of us do? Along with CP, why did she have impaired vision and couldn't read anything unless it was in a super-sized font?  The list goes on and on and on ...

Those weren't just her questions, they were mine too. Her and I had numerous conversations about trusting God. She listened to many audio books and teachings, so we were equal partners in the discussions. We didn't always agree. And she was annoyed if I patronized her by being soft on her if I disagreed. Iron sharpens iron and our conversations stretched both of us.

We agreed that God is love and is our creator, so we can always trust that he has our best in mind. We agreed that all things can work together for good, but that doesn't mean all things are good. We agreed that CP was not good! We disagreed about whether he created her with CP or it was a result of living in a fallen world.

We also agreed that there will always be mysteries, we won't always agree or have answers to all our questions. Watching her live life trusting in God and writing about his love and goodness, even with mysteries and unanswered questions helped me trust, especially when I went through tough times.

One definition of Trust is:  confident expectation of something; hope.

Rosene had that and it showed by how she lived her life. She didn't wallow in self-pity, because she trusted that someday things would be better. So while she was here on earth, she ...

bloomed where she was planted

by helping others and doing

what she could with what she had.

She made cards to encourage others and for birthdays and other special events. We tied them on roses for her and then she gave them away.

When she was younger, her hands were steadier and she made colorful items from beads. After hearing a children's choir from India, she sponsored a girl from there. One key at a time, she wrote letters to send along with her support checks. She wrote a story for children about two cars that made a choice to have a good attitude, even when life wasn't good. We had the story illustrated and printed to give as gifts and/or sell, then Rosene used the money for her 'daughter' in India.

Dear Lord,  

You know exactly what I have to offer and it’s not much. I’ve been struggling with the circumstances of my life and sometimes that struggle has led me into some pretty dark moments. I’ve questioned you, I’ve doubted you, I’ve complained to you. I’ve scolded you. I’m amazed you still want to be friends, but I know you do. I’m getting the feeling that you want me to serve you in some way and that’s just crazy. There are so many others who can do much more for you - what could I possibly do? I’m wounded and spiritually limping. How can I show anyone else how to run this race? I’m willing to try, but it will have to be your power working, not mine.    

Your daughter,

Rose

That is TRUST!

She began walking and dancing last year on October 22nd. I found the prayer above on her computer after she passed away - it was written a few years ago. Tomorrow is my Winning Wednesday and I will give away a book I compiled with her writings after she passed away. You can preview the first 15 pages of the book on Blurb - leave a comment with your email address today or tomorrow and you will be entered in the drawing.