Friday, January 15, 2010

Pain Hurts

I'm disappointed in myself... I'm having a hard time looking at pictures or video of Haiti. For the first day or so, I didn't. I turned away when images were on the TV or clicked to another site when online to avoid seeing the images. I cared about them. I read everything I could find about it. Words I could handle - pictures I couldn't.

I didn't want to feel the pain that I knew I would if I looked.

I'm not totally heartless - I sent a text and clicked a button to send money that I was going to use for a new outfit for an event this weekend. That kind of 'pain' I can deal with - I have clothes in the closet to wear. But looking at the pictures - that involves pain I'm not sure what to do with.

But - millions are living through this hell day by day - moment by moment! Yet, I can't even look at it? 

I need to look at it - I need to feel the pain. Love doesn't look away. Love cares enough to look and feel every ounce of pain there is to feel.

Only then is love real!  

The God I follow is love. So I can be love also.

Yesterday I looked. I forced myself to see the sadness, loss and destruction. I forced myself to look into the faces and eyes. It hurt just like I knew it would. The pain was/is ugly. 

Now what does love do with that pain? 

7 comments:

Amy Sorrells said...

I went to drop boots off for my kiddo at school yesterday and the secretaries thought I was nuts, all teary and blubbery from working on the video on my blog about Haiti. I kept wondering the whole time I was working on it why I was "putting myself through such pain" of making it. How selfish is that?!? But alas, it is the pain of our Savior we feel, Janet. It's HIS tears that pour out of us as we look at photos and hear stories. And it's through His love, emminating through us, that the world will come to know and see Him through it all. Don't worry about avoiding it. That's a natural response--to protect ourselves from pain. Worry if you start not caring at all. Praying with you today. Such a blessing to know you, friend!

HisFireFly said...

Pain indeed, but we are blessed to be able to feel the beat of the Father's heart.

I don't want to look either, but Christ compells me.

Beautiful words from your heart.

Kelly Langner Sauer said...

After 9-11, I couldn't look. Now, I can't look. But I could feel. For me, the seeing would have been too much, for in feeling, I was seeing already with my heart. The Spirit in me saw much deeper, knew more intimately the faces and hearts I couldn't physically behold, and as I ached, I prayed, and I loved and I cared, and I still care, because I can never forget that ache. Never.

It is the same now.

Don't berate yourself. God knows what each of us can handle with Him. Look as He leads; your eyes are His.

S. Etole said...

Perhaps because you've known great physical and emotional pain you understand more fully what is and what will be for these people who are devastated ... suffering at any level gives us a greater ability to identify with those who suffer ... and our identity is in Christ and with His healing love

Janet Oberholtzer said...

Thanks for your comments and care!

@S.Etole ... Today as I looked and felt their pain, I realized that was some of my struggle. When I had injuries/trauma/pain I had great care (docs/meds/etc) and yet it was hard and the pain was intense, so I can't imagine being injured and not having anyone/anything to help you.

Jeanne Klaver said...

Be joyful that you do feel the pain of others. In this, you show your love.

nAncY said...

i has taken awhile for me to take this in. all the issues as well that have to be worked out and organized to help people instead of hurting them more. finding places for the orphans is what i was aware of more today. just how careful of what happens to these children and how they are helped in the right ways so that they don't end up in worse places.